Fangasmic

stopitsomemore: God, Smallville is turning 10
innocent bystander: wow, that's still on?!
stopitsomemore: I KNOW. it just got renewed for a 10th season
innocent bystander: really?! WHY?!
stopitsomemore: I DON'T KNOW

I wasn't always this bitter about Smallville, in fact, most fans I know weren't always this bitter about Smallville, but somewhere in the last decade -- think about that, gentle readers, that the original, brilliant, fantastically funny and sharp-witted Cupid staring Jeremy Piven and Paula Marshall was given 15 episodes (one unaired) and Smallville has been on for a decade -- the series went from an earnest re-imagining of the origin myth of Superman to Seriously, What The Ever Loving Fuck Is Happening? Who Are All These Dudes? Did This Show Seriously Just Bust Out Some AquaMan On My Face? I Feel Like I Am Going Blind.

I grew up watching Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman and the Superman: The Animated Series, and I checked out the one battered copy of The Death and Life of Superman from our local library enough that I think the woman at the desk decided when I was like, nine, that I was going to die a virgin. As such, I went into Smallville fully prepared to like Clark Kent better, especially since they'd hired a hunky dreamboat to play him. Let's all look at Tom Welling:



Basically, all he had to do was be moderately smart, halfway funny, and to show the beginnings of his greatness and I would have bought that like old people and Jewish charities into Bernie Madoff. (Too soon?) Instead, we got this action:



To be fair, I'm pretty sure this was a terrible day for everybody, Tom Welling included.

Anyway, despite the agonizingly primary-color palette and the dubious script and the eventual shitshow the series spiraled into, Smallville gave us Michael Rosenbaum, who redefined the way we view Lex Luthor, broke women's gay, give voice to our carnal desire to blow fucktonnes of money, and make an entire universe of chicks go,"Wait, I sort of want to watch Lex nail Clark. Is that wrong? I think it might be wro -- oh, look at his hips." It also gave us the Glorious Bastard of John Glover as Lionel Luthor, Annette O'Toole as Ma Kent, and became a popular hangout for a lot of glorious young twinks and queens like for example Michael Shanks and Jensen Ackles and motherfucking Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman -- why was Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman on this fucking show?

And in honor of those things -- we at Fanspastic HQ will be rewatching the first season. May God have mercy on our souls.