[fandom texts] Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back In The Tubes

[damngirl]

IT'S NOT.

But, if you like rolling with the Sharktopus:

(Merlin Emrys): You love me.
(Arthur Pendragon): That's because, tragically, I adore whores.

(Clark Kent): I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night

(Nyota Uhura): I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

(Eames): Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.

(John Watson): fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"

(Gregory House): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

(Tony DiNozzo): And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing

(Ted Mosby): i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"

(Rick Castle): Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkeness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party

(Barney Stinson): We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem