fangasmic

So you may have heard that Jason Momoa (whom I am sure most of you know as Ronon from SGA, because apparently outside of that, his sum total of reasons to be famous involve being Lisa Bonet's husband) is going to be in a film version of Conan the Barbarian. Aside from the fact that I burst into one of those hysterical laughing jags that is exclusively used to mask despair, I have been keeping track of this project -- mostly because apparently the other person who could have been cast in the role was Jared "Hi, I'm one half of the fandom where RPS has the higher moral ground!" Padalecki.

Anyway.

The point is. Now there's an official trailer.

I'm so sorry:

So in case you, unlike me, are too smart to click the play button on that because you think that probably it is so terrible it will drive you to histrionic madness (you're not wrong!) there are a few really marvelous things you need to know about this trailer:

• Having already not wanted to see this movie, this trailer has now elevated that sentiment to the astral plane, where it's cavorting with all the Snapewives who married him there.
• There is an amazing and even better, possibly unintentional sex thing in the actual fucking title card of this movie, where the sword hilts itself into the name, Conan, which makes my lizard brain think, "Wow, is this entire shitshow going to be about Conan being fucked? Even though he's a super badass barbarian?"
• But MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, there is this line of dialogue from Jason Momoa: "I live. I love. I slay. And I am content." Yes.

whyareyoulikethis

As you may already know, we here at FG have long been somewhat dubious of the new American relaunch of Torchwood.

Well hold onto to your tinhats, because shit just got real. As Ausiello reports, we've got preliminary casting information, and it features you'll never guess who:

Rex Matheson is a sharp-as-nails, funny-as-hell, tough-as-rawhide CIA agent who cares less about making a good impression than he does making a lasting one. Sounds juicy, right? So no wonder my sources tell me that both Dollhouse alum Enver Gjokaj and One Tree Hill grad Chad Michael Murray are eyeing the role.

Don't adjust your monitor, you read that correctly- there is a chance that Mayhem is coming Turchwad. We know. We know. We feel the same:

whyareyoulikethis: READ THIS: http://ausiellofiles.ew.com/2010/10/22/torchwood-chad-michael-murray-amber-stevens/

stopitsomemore: dslfkjdsfl JUST THAT URL
IS GIVING ME A SEIZURE
OH MY Fdlkjsdlkjadfs;ljkadf

whyareyoulikethis: IT'S JUST WHAT YOU THINK IT ISSSSSSSSS
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
I mean, that's not definite.
BUT STIIIIILL.

stopitsomemore: I like want to kill everybody
EVERYBODY

whyareyoulikethis: I KNOW.

stopitsomemore: Like it's the most unholy marriage of terrible things
Like fucking Mayhem
And Turchwad
You know what, but he would fit in.
Like b/c if Jack Harkness fucked you when you were like underage and then couldn't go to your prom
b/c he forgot
and had to go back to Wales to fuck someone else
he would probably bring you a car
maybe a car from the future

whyareyoulikethis: .....
*WEEPS*

stopitsomemore: OH MY GOD
IT'S SO TERRIBLE
IT'S LIKE EVERY TERRIBLE THING

whyareyoulikethis: TOGETHER ASDFGJHKLHLKJ

stopitsomemore: IT"S SO TERRIBLE
AND BEAUTIFUL
I CANNOT LOOK AWAY

whyareyoulikethis: I KNOW. IT'S LIKE SEEING A THREE-LEGGED DOG CHASE A TENNIS BALL OUT INTO TRAFFIC.
AND YOU CAN ONLY WATCH BUT DO NOTHING.

stopitsomemore: GOD IT IS
I HOPE IT'S TRUE
I WANT IT
NOW I WANT IT

whyareyoulikethis: ...ME TOO NOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH US.

stopitsomemore: you know who
Mayhem sort of reminds me of?
With his squint?
He's sort of like BB Dom Cobb
...I should be killed for introducing that thought into the universe.

whyareyoulikethis: ....yeah.
Somehow, that's almost the worst thing that's come out of this conversation.

thatneedslube

Rest assured, Fangasmic fans, that someone here at FG has been working hard on making an epic post about how amazing the new BBC series Sherlock is. That's not what this post is about, though. No, while she's been slaving away over a hot laptop the rest of us have been obsessively watching, reading, and scanning the internet for new Sherlock fannish contributions and loving every second of it.

Sorry, maybe every other second of it, because there's a fair amount of WTFery in any given fandom, and while Sherlock is young it's certainly not immune.

( Shut up, you know you love this kind of shadenfreude. )

There you go, fandom. Terrible things for your Wednesday night / Thursday morning. I'm sure you really love me right now.

ETA 1: Two seconds after I made this post someone else posted fic about Lestrade in an abusive gay relationship and Sherlock and John save him by making their thing a threesome with him. Thanks, Sherlock kink meme.

ETA 2: WHY. These are Benedict's actual shoes that he actually owns. They are so sparkly even Zachary Quinto might worry about wearing them. Meanwhile here, wearing offscreen chucks or something similar he looks not only human, but attractive and not crazy. Just sayin'.

thatneedslube

Remember how horrified we were to discover that for some reason they were making another season of Eureka? Even though Nathan wouldn't be in it? Sadly, the first episode of the new season has aired, and even sadder, I was elected to recap this thing. So here we go, spoilers ahoy, readers. I can't promise this will hurt you more than it hurt me.

( Fargo/SARAH is... THE TERMINATOR. Also this recap is NC17 and NSFW. )

There you have it, people. 19 steps to writing a terrible episode of Eureka, as if most episodes weren't already terrible.

stopitsomemore

Calling all ironic, mid-20s females who overidentified with Mean Girls when it came out in 2004, and everybody who applies the brilliance of its one-offs to delights like macros, more macros, and also, no joke, a fuckton of macros -- it is time.

I got this in my inbox yesterday. I'm trying not to think about if this is the first sign of the apocalypse.

( MEAN GIRLS 2 Casting Call. No, I am not fucking around. This shit is serious. )

( ETA: whyareyoulikethis' embarrassing reaction to this news. )
( ETA 2: whyareyoulikethis' hair is so big because it's full of shame. )

stopitsomemore

(Source: Deadspin)

So. Deadspin had a photoshop contest with these guys. It was inevitable. Also, if you want to see the London 2012 Olympic mascots doing things like backdooring a Teletubbie, presenting Simba and Nala's baby to the African plains, or creeping on the Queen of England, there you have it. Enjoy. I'll brb -- just bleaching my eyeballs.

whyareyoulikethis

David Cameron and Nick Clegg may be the biggest thing to happen to political RPF since Rahm Emanuel, but I think the UK has another potential pairing on its hands:

Photobucket

Gay rainbow in the background: not a manip

Why yes, those are the mascots for the 2012 London Olympics, called Wenlock and Mandeville. No, I don't know what the hell they were smoking when they came up with them either. But come on, people! Tell me I'm not the only one who saw that picture and immediately thought this:

whyareyoulikethis: If fandom does not end up writing terrible crackish slash about these two, I will be so disappointed in the internet.
stopitsomemore: Why would you even PLANT THAT SEED into the internet? NOW IT IS GOING TO GROW INTO A TERRIBLE, UGLY TREE.

JUST ME?

[trailers] How Can a Trailer This Short Make a Movie Look This Terrible?

[unholy] I can't wait to see the inevitable sex pollen episode. Oh wait, yes I can

[that just happened] Sherlock Fandom Edition: WHY, OH GOD, WHY

[reaction post] Eureka: Now With More Terminator

[sequels] Mean Girls 2 Is Happening; Ready Your Flasks

[pictures] Fitting, Really.

[where's the fic?] Come on, you guys, I know you have it in you.

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