Fangasmic

So you may have heard that Jason Momoa (whom I am sure most of you know as Ronon from SGA, because apparently outside of that, his sum total of reasons to be famous involve being Lisa Bonet's husband) is going to be in a film version of Conan the Barbarian. Aside from the fact that I burst into one of those hysterical laughing jags that is exclusively used to mask despair, I have been keeping track of this project -- mostly because apparently the other person who could have been cast in the role was Jared "Hi, I'm one half of the fandom where RPS has the higher moral ground!" Padalecki.

Anyway.

The point is. Now there's an official trailer.

I'm so sorry:

So in case you, unlike me, are too smart to click the play button on that because you think that probably it is so terrible it will drive you to histrionic madness (you're not wrong!) there are a few really marvelous things you need to know about this trailer:

• Having already not wanted to see this movie, this trailer has now elevated that sentiment to the astral plane, where it's cavorting with all the Snapewives who married him there.
• There is an amazing and even better, possibly unintentional sex thing in the actual fucking title card of this movie, where the sword hilts itself into the name, Conan, which makes my lizard brain think, "Wow, is this entire shitshow going to be about Conan being fucked? Even though he's a super badass barbarian?"
• But MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, there is this line of dialogue from Jason Momoa: "I live. I love. I slay. And I am content." Yes.