[that just happened] Sherlock Fandom Edition: WHY, OH GOD, WHY

[thatneedslube]

Rest assured, Fangasmic fans, that someone here at FG has been working hard on making an epic post about how amazing the new BBC series Sherlock is. That's not what this post is about, though. No, while she's been slaving away over a hot laptop the rest of us have been obsessively watching, reading, and scanning the internet for new Sherlock fannish contributions and loving every second of it.

Sorry, maybe every other second of it, because there's a fair amount of WTFery in any given fandom, and while Sherlock is young it's certainly not immune.


Let's start at my favourite place on the internet, Delicious Bookmarks. Obviously we have been obsessively stalking a few tags over there. Here, check out this piece of pure fantasy:



As whyareyoulikethis said three seconds after processing this image:

THE ONLY WAY THAT IS NOT CRACK IS IF IT'S ACTUALLY MAGIC FUCKING MUSHROOMS FANFICTION.

Moving on to things we actually read (Come on, give us a little credit. We barely managed to hold back from reading the ejaculated kittens story), two weeks into Sherlock fandom and there is a Vampire AU.



Upon reading this summary I thought this was the plot:

Sherlock is shot, badly. John is super gay for him and finally reveals that he is a vampire, biting Sherlock to save his life (by making him undead, which - hey vampire fans, this is a bit weird, this thing you have. Yes, damngirl, I am talking to you). Sherlock suddenly realizes OMG VAMPIRES ARE REAL !!!111oneeleventy! and that, you know, he is also super gay for John. Weird vampire sex follows.

Let me tell you guys, that is not how it goes. I stared at this post for a few minutes before I cringed and clicked on it because I am weak to many things that sound like this. Spoilers: Sherlock is the vampire. There is voyeurism, kind of. Everything vampire is glossed over very quickly, and left me disoriented. More importantly, no one ejaculates kittens, so you might actually enjoy this. I'm sure you'll find it.

While we're on the subject of kink memes, let me show you this prompt one of us found on the Sherlock kink meme:

1. Sherlock Holmes can't make money, so he decides to become a hooker? We've all noticed he shies away from physical contact with most people, and before we even look at that maybe there is the small detail of him being an incredible genius and consulting detective. I'm sure he's seen Psych and can figure out this simple equation: Genius Detective + Small Business = Income from detecting.


2. Lestrade is an upstanding member of the police force. I'll buy this for the terms of kink memes, where shit gets real every three seconds and you can go a little crazy, but seriously-- I wouldn't buy this if you were paying me to do so.


3. See #2: what are the chances that Lestrade not only buys the services of an acquaintance and then what are the chances that he'd brag about it to someone they both know? We're not talking quantum or parallel realities here, guys, we're talking why is this even a thing.


4. Does comfort from Watson involve magical healing cock? Because I totally sometimes go for that, but by this point I just want away from you. Far, far away. Maybe you can make friends with the kittens girl. Way to ruin kittens and dub con AUs for me, guys.

There you go, fandom. Terrible things for your Wednesday night / Thursday morning. I'm sure you really love me right now.

ETA 1: Two seconds after I made this post someone else posted fic about Lestrade in an abusive gay relationship and Sherlock and John save him by making their thing a threesome with him. Thanks, Sherlock kink meme.

ETA 2: WHY. These are Benedict's actual shoes that he actually owns. They are so sparkly even Zachary Quinto might worry about wearing them. Meanwhile here, wearing offscreen chucks or something similar he looks not only human, but attractive and not crazy. Just sayin'.