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fangasmicRemember how horrified we were to discover that for some reason they were making another season of Eureka? Even though Nathan wouldn't be in it? Sadly, the first episode of the new season has aired, and even sadder, I was elected to recap this thing. So here we go, spoilers ahoy, readers. I can't promise this will hurt you more than it hurt me.
Blah blah, it's Founder's Day, when everyone in Eureka dresses like it's 1947 and celebrates the founding of, you know, Eureka. We also introduce (for no apparent reason) a new female character who is obviously supposed to have chemistry with Henry. Do you know how I know that? Because for some reason in Sci-Fi black characters or characters who are visible minorities always pair up, often without cause. Why else would Martha Jones marry Micky? Why else include this lady working on a car with an uncomfortable Henry? That's just how sci fi rolls.
We never said Eureka was a well-written show, which is why a few minutes later when Kevin appears, waits for everyone else to walk away, and then says something cryptic to Carter you know this is a time travel episode. If you didn't? I am personally ashamed of you.
Of course, shit gets adorable/tense when Zach proposes to Jo! And then she freaks out because maybe she's not ready or whatever, and he runs off in a huff. Ouch. Oh yeah, and Cadman from SGA dumped Carter this morning, just FYI. Let's throw some romantic entanglements in the pot, that always works.
How do you know you have time travelled back into 1947? Obviously because everything goes sepia and people start talking like the movies. Obviously.
Duh, Carter. You're in the past! It's like the weirdo in the car and the baseball game and being called "sport" didn't ...wait. I always forget Carter is not just kind of dumb by Eureka standards, but kind of dumb in general. My bad.
I understand why Carter might assume he's having a sexytimes dream, but seriously, SciFi, (Or is it SyFy now? Eeeuugh.) they don't actually have any chemistry together. I'd be more likely to believe Jo and Fargo than Carter and Allison.
I'm kind of surprised they didn't play pseudo-Indiana Jones music for this scene. A lot of FG staff members would have been all over it. If, uh, they had actually watched this instead of forcing me to watch it first.
Immediately following this, Allison gives voice to the classic "we have to be super ultra careful not to change the past!" line which, you know, pretty much guarantees they are going to change the past drastically. I like to think of this as being exactly the same as saying "How could it get any worse?"
When Jo and Fargo meet up he explains his entrance as going something like this:
Nice try, Farginator, but if you tried to take on four army dudes naked I think it would end more like this:
Yowza.
For 5 seconds the producers throw a little gay our way, but it's in all the wrong places. I mean, I love Founder Dude Who Is Totally Time Travelling To The Future Soon, but not with angry army dude. We saw how that shit turns out above. Danger! Unless you are a maid/Fargo/Merlin who is into that kind of thing!
Can we recover? YOU BET WE CAN. Quick, shove them into the most obvious and heteronormative plot device we have on hand-- this dance!
And then make out! From different angles! Even though her husband just died and you got dumped just this morning!
Long story short, they make it home at the last second, but only because Carter and Allison made out (probably). Also Carter's device to get home was in the jacket that Founder Dude was wearing, so obvs he is in the future somewhere, too. We'll get to that in a second. First, they notice some immediate changes in their future.
First, Henry has been married off to the new Person of Colour in town, obviously.
Henry: I'm confused, I like Asian ladies! Asians! And sometimes white dudes who are kind of dumb!
Second, Autism sucks, so let's cure that shit and drop the word "XBox" a few times.
Now let's have Carter back in a relationship with Lt. Cadman and have Jo and Zach never have even dated, with Zach still a delinquent. Hot. That gives her loads of time to figure out whether or not she wants to get married. (Oops, too late, she already said yes and now he thinks she's crazy pants.)
Who saw that coming?? Oh wait, everyone? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Is this guy from Battlestar or something? He has kind of a Serious Space Politics face, so I'm going to assume yes.
This was your chance to bring Nathan Stark back, Eureka. How could you have skipped on Nathan Stark?!
There you have it, people. 19 steps to writing a terrible episode of Eureka, as if most episodes weren't already terrible.
Blah blah, it's Founder's Day, when everyone in Eureka dresses like it's 1947 and celebrates the founding of, you know, Eureka. We also introduce (for no apparent reason) a new female character who is obviously supposed to have chemistry with Henry. Do you know how I know that? Because for some reason in Sci-Fi black characters or characters who are visible minorities always pair up, often without cause. Why else would Martha Jones marry Micky? Why else include this lady working on a car with an uncomfortable Henry? That's just how sci fi rolls.
We never said Eureka was a well-written show, which is why a few minutes later when Kevin appears, waits for everyone else to walk away, and then says something cryptic to Carter you know this is a time travel episode. If you didn't? I am personally ashamed of you.
Of course, shit gets adorable/tense when Zach proposes to Jo! And then she freaks out because maybe she's not ready or whatever, and he runs off in a huff. Ouch. Oh yeah, and Cadman from SGA dumped Carter this morning, just FYI. Let's throw some romantic entanglements in the pot, that always works.
How do you know you have time travelled back into 1947? Obviously because everything goes sepia and people start talking like the movies. Obviously.
Duh, Carter. You're in the past! It's like the weirdo in the car and the baseball game and being called "sport" didn't ...wait. I always forget Carter is not just kind of dumb by Eureka standards, but kind of dumb in general. My bad.
I understand why Carter might assume he's having a sexytimes dream, but seriously, SciFi, (Or is it SyFy now? Eeeuugh.) they don't actually have any chemistry together. I'd be more likely to believe Jo and Fargo than Carter and Allison.
I'm kind of surprised they didn't play pseudo-Indiana Jones music for this scene. A lot of FG staff members would have been all over it. If, uh, they had actually watched this instead of forcing me to watch it first.
Immediately following this, Allison gives voice to the classic "we have to be super ultra careful not to change the past!" line which, you know, pretty much guarantees they are going to change the past drastically. I like to think of this as being exactly the same as saying "How could it get any worse?"
When Jo and Fargo meet up he explains his entrance as going something like this:
Nice try, Farginator, but if you tried to take on four army dudes naked I think it would end more like this:
Yowza.
For 5 seconds the producers throw a little gay our way, but it's in all the wrong places. I mean, I love Founder Dude Who Is Totally Time Travelling To The Future Soon, but not with angry army dude. We saw how that shit turns out above. Danger! Unless you are a maid/Fargo/Merlin who is into that kind of thing!
Can we recover? YOU BET WE CAN. Quick, shove them into the most obvious and heteronormative plot device we have on hand-- this dance!
And then make out! From different angles! Even though her husband just died and you got dumped just this morning!
Long story short, they make it home at the last second, but only because Carter and Allison made out (probably). Also Carter's device to get home was in the jacket that Founder Dude was wearing, so obvs he is in the future somewhere, too. We'll get to that in a second. First, they notice some immediate changes in their future.
First, Henry has been married off to the new Person of Colour in town, obviously.
Henry: I'm confused, I like Asian ladies! Asians! And sometimes white dudes who are kind of dumb!
Second, Autism sucks, so let's cure that shit and drop the word "XBox" a few times.
Now let's have Carter back in a relationship with Lt. Cadman and have Jo and Zach never have even dated, with Zach still a delinquent. Hot. That gives her loads of time to figure out whether or not she wants to get married. (Oops, too late, she already said yes and now he thinks she's crazy pants.)
Who saw that coming?? Oh wait, everyone? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Is this guy from Battlestar or something? He has kind of a Serious Space Politics face, so I'm going to assume yes.
This was your chance to bring Nathan Stark back, Eureka. How could you have skipped on Nathan Stark?!
There you have it, people. 19 steps to writing a terrible episode of Eureka, as if most episodes weren't already terrible.