Fangasmic

Gather ‘round, children! It’s Fandom Storytime!

Once upon a time, long ago, when people were into The Professionals fandom- this was when dinosaurs roamed the earth and people still made vids with VCRs and shit- two fangirls were in a grocery store in California. They were on opposite ends of the produce section. One fangirl wanted the other fangirl to get broccoli, but didn’t want to yell, “HEY GIRL HEY GET SOME BROCCOLI YO," because that’s obnoxious.

And lo, there were broccoli charades (“You want me to pick up a nuclear bomb? Some testicles? What? What is that hand motion?") but it didn’t take (“You thought I was miming balls? Seriously? What’s wrong with you?"). When they finally reconvened, the first fangirl grumped that if it had been Doyle and Bodie of the Professionals going grocery shopping, Doyle would have been able to tell Bodie to get broccoli with the merest flick of an eyebrow instead of having to flap his hands like a drunk hummingbird. And thus the broccoli test was born.

“Passing the broccoli test" became fandom shorthand for the couple that could convey everything from “Don’t order the chicken here, it sucks" to “I love you and want to have your babies but I’m still too pent up by heteronormative standards of masculinity to act on it- wait for me!" in a single significant eye-fucking glance.

That said, failing the broccoli test doesn’t make your OTP less T; plenty of pairings fail the broccoli test with flying colors. I’m thinking of Ray Kowalski and Fraser from Due South, who only nailed the silent communication thing after they rode in a submarine and stole a Canadian pirate ship with Leslie Nielsen.


I’d really like some broccoli. Also, buttsex.


The broccoli test is an old school meme that hasn’t made the rounds in a while, so we here at Fanspastic thought it was time to revisit it with some new pairings.

( We spent 15 minutes trying to think of a hilarious quip to put here about broccoli that didn't devolve into a vegetable porn reference. We failed. )

Who did we miss? Put your pairings up to the test, fanspasticers!