stopitsomemore: (fml)
[personal profile] stopitsomemore posting in [community profile] fangasmic
The Wall Street Journal writes about truckers who knit and craft to pass the time between picking up hauls, which is a far warmer, fuzzier view of long-haul drivers than those advanced in shows like Criminal Minds!



Anyway, the point is, these days, it's either Sam or Cas in the passenger seat of the Impala, and since I assume Sam is too busy repressing his burning incestuous desire for his bro, Castiel, angel of the lord, these lace patterns are for you!



"Bamboo Pattern"


This lace, in addition to being an excellent physical manifestation of your devotion and patience, reflects the beauty of your Father's natural world! Think of how it will delight both Him and Dean when you drape a beautiful collar constructed of this fine knitwork upon his lovely shoulders.



"Scallop Edge Pattern"


More complex, the scallop edge is another tier of faith manifested in handiwork. Truly, it is difficult to see why your brothers and sisters so despised the humans with which your Father was obsessed when they produced so glorious things such as this. Fittingly, such a scallop edge would go far in currying favor with Sam if you cunningly attached it to his favorite army green jacket. I sense an unbirthday present!



"Leaf and Berry Pattern"


Now things are getting hot! Leaves and berries -- in a searing callback to the first realization of nudity in the garden and the frisson of fornicating shame that came along with it! -- this pattern ought to be used as an indication of your romantic intentions! Go go, angel of the Lord! Win you a Righteous Man. We are all rooting for you. Left unsupervised, he will just keep not having sex with his brother and bouncing syphilitic twins -- in truth, this is a mission of mercy we have set you on.



Best of luck, Castiel, angel of the Lord. Also, check here for supplies. FOR KNITTING, YOU PERVERTS.

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags