fangasmic

Have you been eyeballing a Porsche 9-1-1 Turbo- in yellow, of course? (Or more plausibly, a VolvoVampireMobile?) Thinking about getting those promise rings?

Well, then.

I understand that you a) accumulate and b) spend a lot of capital in your freakish, stalking, neurotic very long life, so clearly, you need the right card.

HOW ABOUT ONE WITH EDWARD'S FACE ON IT?

I totally shit you not. (Un)fortunately, they're money cards only, so it's not eternal (Unlike you, Princess Lady Nyghtwying D'kness Raven Bluudston Sabreeena HotTopic Painfeather.)

Then again, you could always just put a picture of your timeless, unnaturally hot family on your Capital One card.

RENESMEE???

damngirl

So, amidst multiple conflicting reports, RPattz of the Filthy Locks may, or may not, be playing Kurt Cobain in an upcoming biopic.

Of more earth-shattering import is the amazing manip the Sun did to create your visual for you:

I legitimately do not even know where to begin.

Now, for all the NIRVANA fans flipping a shit right this hot second- it could be worse:

See?

damngirl

Where to start?

The terrifying, Sam-Winchesterian, veiny forehead?

The tumbling, greasy, unwashed locks?

I don't even know. It's late, it's early, it's too late.

damngirl

So, having done some retarded shit for theatre in my day (no, really retarded shit), I understand it's the role, it's not you.

NOPE, NO, THIS IS HIM.

ENJOY THAT.

damngirl

It's not Monday- but Robert Pattinson is still ugly.

However, here we see that he's a philanthropist at heart, under his gallons of grease and filth.

The actual article (link again) is about how Rpattz is auctioning off an autographed Fender on eBay for Los Angeles' Midnight Mission homeless shelter. The accompanying photo makes it look a little self-involved- I've seen bums in McPherson Square who are better dressed. Seriously, Robert. My dad grew that beard once, it was a terrible week for all of us. Don't give the crabs another place to nest.