Sometimes, having friends in low places is good enough to get to you into a screener of Iron Man 2 a week before the U.S. release. The fact that I practically had to knife other friends in the face in order to get that slot means nothing. Nothing more than I am dedicated. This is part 1 of 2 of our recap. Fair warning, it's very, very detailed and chock full of spoilers. Plus, it's also not terribly polished; I didn't want to force my fellow FG writers into spoiling themselves for the film.

( Iron Man 2: Iron With A Vengeance. )

Part 2 coming tomorrow! For today, my wrist is going numb!

Hi, guys. Hi. Have you ever heard of a Japanese BL (boizu rabu, according to Wikipedia) series titled Sex Pistols?

Oh, you mean you haven't walked past the shelf at Borders where they are probably covered in plastic and and mostly obscured by a clutch of unforch-looking teenaged boys giggling and gagging -- and inevitably, the one reading it with wide, lustful eyes, because finally, finally, he's realized that cock is that for which he has hungered -- as they read the one copy that's had its wrapping discarded? That's cool.

Here's the short version: there are animal spirits who walk among us (read: furries, pay a-fuckin-ttention) and also, dudes can drop shorties (read: your ass can be a fertile valley of animal spirit babies) and also, someone in Japan gave an anime production company some E (read: a lot of E) and they made a two-part special about it.

( If that sounds super super horrifying, then you probably should not click onward and inward and deep and hot and wet into this recap of the first part. )

Ultimately, the only unqualified good of this OAV, aside from some impressively high production values and fairly good voice acting (although nobody I recognized right off the bat — what about you guys?), is that they didn't get into the entire animal spirit man-impregnating aspect. In case you're wondering? That is a major God damn plot point if you choose to read the manga. I am not advocating you read the manga. I am telling you that male pregnancy will happen to your face you read it. It will happen to your face hard. And fast. And sweaty, slapping against your spit-slick chin. It will probably happen to your face under some bleachers before seventh period math.

I recommend you build up reserves of your strength, ladies. Part two will be out eventually, and being strong like an ox, I will watch it — TWICE — in order to bring you the recap of that, too. May God have mercy on our souls.

For those miserable and writhing souls who have spent the past few months perishing for want of more of the absolutely delightful Glee -- have heart! Although FOX will continue to tickle the balls, lick the shaft, and utterly fail to swallow the gravy until the Glee premiere April 13, we'll be putting out a recap of the that BRAND NEW OMG IT HAS BEEN SO LONG I CAN ALMOST TASTE ITS SPARKLY DELIGHTS GLEE EPISODE tomorrow!

We have so many questions! We have missed the Gleeks so much! We hope they've been okay, that their lives have been filled with good arrangements and excellent costuming and choreography, and that someone has finally explained to Rachel what that swing in her dads' room is all about! We can't wait!