[warnings] Warnings That Story Should Have Had

[thatneedslube]

We're undecided about fic warnings here at FG. Some of us are all for them and some of us think they're dumb, but there are some things we all agree stories should warn for ahead of time. The kind of things that no author would ever actually warn you for, you know? I guess that's what fic recs are for. Regardless, please enjoy these humorous caveats.

Warning: One of them turns into a dog in the middle. Before the NC-17 part.

Warning: Author got an MFA degree. Probably at a for-profit college.

Warning: Nothing happens in this story

Warning: Gibbs is a centaur; I don't think they fuck while he is a centaur, but I can't be sure because it's a wip.

Warning: This is the worst smut ever

Warning: Merlin cries the entire time they have sex; not in a sexy way

Warning: This girl didn't know any anorexics in high school or else this story would have sucked less and been less inaccurate

Warning: I won't actually warn you for the shit that happens here, but it's probably super triggering to everyone

Warning: I just changed the names of the characters in someone else's Sentinel/SG-1 fusion

Warning: I think soulbonding is real.

Warning: This is going to be a summary in a Fangasmic Del.ici.ous post

Warning: I am pasting pieces of this fic into a chat window RIGHT NOW.

Warning: Even the summary has crying in it, but described as heaving sobs

Warning: Spock cries in this. Yeah, we don't know either.

Warning: Gibbs is a "tender lover" in this.

Warning: This girl didn't even bother to google a picture of a dick because otherwise, there is no explanation for this "sex" scene.

Warning: Every character in this story is a 14 year old girl, just like the author. And I mean that literally.

Warning: Written in the second person.

Warning: Author also recently blogged about her Senior Prom.

Warning: I unashamedly love the phrase "man uterus"

Warning: I'm using this story to act out my fantasies of making those assholes from highschool wish we were friends

Warning: All I know about England is the phrase "Jolly good, chaps!"

Warning: I really, really, really truly believe I am a wizard.

Warning: I hate all female characters because the existence of a vagina threatens my world view.

Warning: I am writing this to prove a point about [insert something random here]ism.

Warning: This is the script of [any movie ever] but with different names

Warning: I think jail rape is sexy

Warning: My template for gay relationships is yaoi.

Warning: What do you mean the human asshole doesn't self-lubricate? I call bullshit!

What impossible things do you wish authors would warn for? Tell us!