thatneedslube: What's not to love? (psych-hellsyeah)
[personal profile] thatneedslube posting in [community profile] fangasmic
Welcome back to the summer TV wasteland, FG fans. You know, that stretch of four months where broadcasters think we should be outside or something instead of watching TV with the curtains drawn. I don't know about you, but the outside doesn't mix well with me. I think it might be out to get me.

I drew up a list of shows that are actually airing new episodes right now that I thought you should watch, but the FG staff looked at it and [personal profile] stopitsomemore instantly said "So basically USA." Yep. USA appears to be almost the only channel showing new shows during the summer months. (I could write a whole piece asking how they expect to get advertisers during these months, but apparently they do okay, and also, that would be really boring.)

Coincidentally, posted an article recently titled How to Create a USA Show in Six Easy Steps, and it is excellent. The steps are these:

  1. Find a Catchy, Bland Title, Preferably Two Words, That's Already a Phrase in the Lexicon

  2. Create an Unlikely Duo: One Rule-Bending, the Other Uptight

  3. Make Someone a Rookie With a Desirable Area of Expertise

  4. Add Will-They-or-Won't-They Chemistry

  5. Add a Sunshine-y Locale ...

  6. ... So You Can Have a Poster With Characters in Sunglasses

At the end of the article they came up with three potential USA shows, two of which I would totally watch. But you know what's even more fun, and easier?

Taking shows from other networks and re-doing them as USA shows. So let's do this thing.

CLASS ACT (The Good Wife)

Kalinda is the newest transplant to the swish Bent Oak neighborhood, where McMansions roam free and flotillas of Botoxed Stepford wives travel as schools to charity luncheons in Laura Ashley pantsuits. It's a pastel shock change from her old life as a gritty law firm investigator, but she promised she would give it a shot — all the more important since her wife, Susan, is seeing her career at their law firm beginning to take off, and as every supportive spouse knows, a perfect house makes for an absolutely perfect partner candidate.

Too bad all their new neighbors are heinous [phrase unrepeatable]s, and Kalinda's mostly given up and crawled into a mid-morning bottle of pinot noir when the there's a tiny-turned-alarming fire next door that leads her to meet her mysterious neighbor: Alicia.

Alicia is an ex-lawyer herself turned mother of two and perfect homemaker who has in the spirit of John Irving adopted the persona of the Wine Method Woman. As the resident odd duck and the newest recruit, they become the immediate objects of suspicion when that spring's spring fling fund is looted, and they have to band together to clear their name before they become outcasts in their own community.

Mix two parts too-smart-for-this-bullshit female, one part fizzy mystery, and two glasses of malbec with a side of faking it, and you have CLASS ACT.

SUNSHINE LAW (Criminal Minds)

Plucky genius and sun-phobic Dr. Spencer Reid is pretty much convinced that his transfer to the Los Angeles bureau of the FBI si the worst thing that's ever happened.

But after one too many failed weapons certifications, the D.C. bureau is threatening him with dismissal, and the infamously eccentric Agent Aaron Hotchner is the only one who seems to have any use for Spencer's other particular talents.

Hotch, who heads up major crimes for the bureau in LA, has a soft spot for weird ones, a live and let live attitude hard-earned by a past marred with tragedy, and a seven year-old son who's favorite past-time appears to be torturing his dad's latest partner -- Spencer.


Pragmatic federal agent Olivia Dunham doesn't know what she did wrong, but it must have been horrible. On the trail of "fringe" science accidents, most of her cases turn out more Scooby Doo than X-Files.

Chasing down leads on her latest case, she winds up exposing genius Professor Peter Bishop as a fraud lying about his past, but he's not out of a job, exactly, because Olivia's superiors think he's exactly the kind of permanent consultant she needs.

With Peter's senile match-maker father, Walter Bishop, along for the ride, the three track strange phenomena across state lines in Rocket Science.

Your turn, FG fans! Turn a show into a USA hit. Supernatural? Stargate? The Mentalist? Just add sunshine and sunglasses.

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