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fangasmic2010-12-11 03:52 pm
thatneedslube) wrote in fangasmic2010-12-11 03:52 pm
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[the gay] A BRIEF HISTORY OF GAY IN THE NEW HAWAII FIVE-0
Spoilers ahoy, but not for plot. Just for how deliciously, epically gay this show is. Prepare for heart eyes.
Episode 1
Steve shows up at Danny's house in the rain like something right out of a rom com and orders him tobe his BFF be his partner forever. Obviously this will eventually lead to marriage, but first Steve needs to impress him and prove he can be a good catch.
Within an hour of knowing each other, Steve gets Danny shot (In the arm! So it's no big deal to Steve really) and then Danny saves Steve's life by shooting a suspect who has a hostage. That's kind of romantic! Except that they're both seriously pissed about what the other did, which leads to the classic Hawaii Five-0 car fight, just like your parents used to have.
But not before Steve puts Danny in a hold and then Danny punches him in the face. They're just love taps, really. Also, while we're here, check out their tight ends.
So yes, every week they have at least one totally-married-oh-god-so-married fight in a car, and every week it gets progressively better. Once they work out some basic issues, Steve will start trying to romance Danny. Badly. I mean maybe at first he likes Danny because he's cute, and throws hissy fits, and is a good cop. But Danny starts doing things that make Steve make actual heart eyes. For example:
Long story short, to get some info they have to wear these shirts advertising Waiola Shaved Ice, which is embarrassing, yes, and makes them look like a date gone wrong, yes. But this little girl pegs them for cops in about two seconds and might hurt their cause, so Danny hands over this massive pink stuffed bunny he had in the back seat of his car that, originally, was supposed to be for his daughter Grace to bring to animal show and tell at school this week. Except Step Stan bought her an actual bunny. Danny is super sweet with the little girl, hands over the bunny, makes this adorable face and then turns to look at Steve and says "What?" (not even defensively) and Steve just looks like... like maybe he's seeing Danny totally differently now. And of course, he has to return the favour, so we're introduced to the first sighting of Steve the Science Guy:
Danny: Wait a minute, how do you know the boot prints don't belong to Hess?
Steve: Hess wears a size 11 like me except double [something]; the prints I found were smaller. And Hess has his footwear custom-made. Direct-injected polyeurithane mid-sole with a natural rubber outer-sole.
Danny: ....huh. Your uh, brain must be a miserable place. I need a beer.
Since that didn't work quite as well as he'd hoped, Steve steps it up a notch:
Steve gets them beers and sets up a nice romantic spot on the private beach behind his house (!!), decides to change his shirt for no apparent reason (in front of Danny, natch), and then tells him all about the Big Secret Evidence Box his dad left for him that he hasn't told anyone about and won't tell anyone else about for another 10 episodes. I like to view this scene as Steve deciding remarkably quickly that he would probably like to keep Danny for the rest of his life. Meanwhile, Danny somehow misses the point and encourages Steve at the same time:
Steve: You ever gonna tell me what "Danno" means?
Danny: Yeah, when you tell me what's in the box.
Steve: Truth is, I don't know yet. All I know is that my father wanted me to find it. Right now it's just a puzzle.
Danny: You know, me and Grace, we like puzzles.
I BET YOU AND GRACE COULD LIKE STEVE, TOO, DANNY.
Ahem. Right.
Not showing it here, because this post is going to be super long, but Danny tells Steve what Danno means. Steve decides this is the cutest thing ever.
Steve: It's cute!
Danny: Shut up!
Steve: What, what-- why, why--
Danny: Because! Because! Because I don't need you thinking anything about it! It's between me and my daughter!
After driving a car onto a boat and shooting a bunch of dudes, including Buffy's Spike:
Danny: What do you want me to do with this one?
Steve: [big grin through the blood on his face] Book'im, Danno!
Danny: What'd I tell you about that? [turns to squirming convict] Where are you trying to go? Where? Where? Go ahead. You want me to shoot you? Stop.
Steve: [sappy grin]
Danny: Just stop.
To show Danny how much he cares already, Steve gets him two expensive passes to a fancy hotel for he and Grace to stay at for three days, where she can swim with the dolphins.
Danny: What, uh, what is this?
Steve: Three nights at the Kahala Hotel. Look, I know you're gonna say no...
Danny: You're right, I'm gonna say no. What is it with you and my living arrangements?
Steve: Grace's coming over this weekend, right?
Danny: ....yeah.
Steve: Okay, so I heard this place has a pool, you can swim with the dolphins, just take it.
Danny: Hey. You look uh, you look really bad. Thank you.
Steve: [blatant heart eyes] You're welcome.
Danny: ...thank you...
Episode 2
Brief intro to our awesome stars: Chin, Kono, Danny (and Grace) and Steve.
Steve: [jumps] What is it with you and walking into other people's houses?
Danny: Well I knocked.
Steve: I didn't hear you knock.
Danny: Well I did, I knocked, and then I saw you through the window and I thought you nodded.
Steve: Didn't nod.
Danny: ....Would you like me to leave?
Steve: Depends. [flirty] What's in the bag?
Danny: Oh! Those uh, doughnut-like things they sell on the block?
Steve: Malasadas?
Danny: Yeah, whatever they are, they're fried and they taste good. You want one?
Steve: No. Not without bypass surgery. And you can stay [as Danny shoves a doughnut in his face], just don't eat near my stuff.
Danny: [chipmunk cheeks] Can I have a napkin?
Steve: [gives him a once-over] ....Yeah.
Danny: What was that look?? What, they teach you how not to spill in the army?
Steve: It was the Navy! Okay? The Navy!
Steve: It's not the spill. [wipes up for Danny] It's the tie. Nobody in Hawaii wears a tie.
Danny: Oh, I'm sorry, I like to look like a professional.
Steve: A professional what?
Danny: Okay. This is my favourite tie. Grace gave me this tie for father's day. Oh, and also so you know, back in Jersey and every normal city in this country, this is what a detective looks like.
Steve: Really?
Danny: Yeah, really!
Steve: Really. Shirt, tie, and doughnut crumbs? You missed a spot. [Doesn't Steve mean Steve missed a spot? He's the one who cleaned Danny up.] You're never gonna fit in here looking like you're from the mainland.
Danny: Who says I wanna fit in? I don't wanna fit in! I wanna look like I'm from the mainland! I got 87 homicide cases under my belt looking like this.
Steve: Not in 110 degree weather you don't. I'm just saying!
Danny: I'm not taking off the tie!
Steve: Fine.
Danny: So leave it alone!
Steve: Okay.
Danny: Okay? You- you wanna discuss my shoes?
Steve: Well now that you mention it, patent leather loafers?
Danny: Will you uh, do me a favour please? Just let it go.
They then proceed to have a meaningful conversation about the CHAMP toolbox, but if this were many other shows, this would have happened:
Mrs. Hudson: You two having another domestic?
Later, Chin, Danny, and Steve pile into an elevator in search of a guy who is probably hiding out on the roof of this hotel. Of course they're armed to the teeth and scaring two tourists and their adorable son, who is clutching an inflatable hippo.
Steve: [cocks his gun]
Danny: [ahem!]
Steve: Uh, we're cops. Don't worry.
Danny: [looks at Chin]
Chin: [looks at Danny]
Danny: You like hippos? I like hippos, too. I got a daughter, she loves hippos. Everybody likes hippos. Okay. [smiles at the parents]
Doors: [ding!]
Tourists: [flee]
Danny: You have an amazing way with children.
Steve: [genuinely confused] ...what?
Danny: [can't even believe this is happening]
Chin: [thinks everyone else is crazycakes]
Danny: ..........nothing.
Car fight!
Steve: Let it go. Just let it go.
Danny: Please, do not speak to me right now.
Steve: Okay, so we're going to go through that whole thing again. Why do we have to--
Danny ZIP IT, for a second. I'm gonna speak now. It is my turn.
Steve: [nods and shuts up like the totally whipped boyfriend he is]
Danny: blah blah
Steve: I wasn't going to kill him!
Danny: Why are you talking?
Steve: I was just trying to explain--
Danny: WHY ARE YOUR LIPS MOVING? blah blah
Steve: Can I speak?
Danny: PLEASE!
Steve: [exploring the house, tries to sneak a glance at Danny]
Danny: [staring at a bookshelf]
Steve: Fall asleep with your eyes open again?
I like to assume this means Steve caught Danny staring at him once and Danny said he had fallen asleep with his eyes open. Because Danny might, somehow, not have caught on that Steve wants in his pants yet, but he can appreciate that he looks nice, right?
Steve: We need to find someone who can make sense of this.
Danny: What, Naval Intelligence, none of this looks familiar to you?
Steve: [defensive, embarrassed] No! I've seen super-grade crytography before but this isn't it, this is something else, this is like off-the-grid hacker world.
Danny: Hacker. I think I know a guy who can help us.
Steve: [trying not to be jealous already]
Toast: Oh my. Dessert before dinner. Hey, Jersey. Aloha~ [blatantly checks Danny out] You're looking all kama'aina.
Steve: [appears to agree with Toast; is making soft eyes at Danny] It's the tie, right?
Toast: Really sells it.
Danny: I don't know what that means. Ah, we need a favour, Toast.
So basically Toast wants, to paraphrase a particular story I love, would like to see Danny "naked and spread-eagled on a mattress somewhere". Probably a lot. All the time. I guess he and Steve have what you might call common interests.
Steve: Book'im, Danno.
Danny: Really? I mean, is that going to be a thing now?
Steve: You don't like it?
Danny: I don't like it.
Steve: I think it's catchy.
Danny: [to criminal] What are you looking at? Go. Go ahead, walk. Right this way.
We, like Steve McGarrett have only one question left: When is Danny going to take his shirt off?
Two episodes this time, and we'll see what happens next time, FG fans. Long post is incredibly long and took all day.
Steve shows up at Danny's house in the rain like something right out of a rom com and orders him to
Within an hour of knowing each other, Steve gets Danny shot (In the arm! So it's no big deal to Steve really) and then Danny saves Steve's life by shooting a suspect who has a hostage. That's kind of romantic! Except that they're both seriously pissed about what the other did, which leads to the classic Hawaii Five-0 car fight, just like your parents used to have.
But not before Steve puts Danny in a hold and then Danny punches him in the face. They're just love taps, really. Also, while we're here, check out their tight ends.
So yes, every week they have at least one totally-married-oh-god-so-married fight in a car, and every week it gets progressively better. Once they work out some basic issues, Steve will start trying to romance Danny. Badly. I mean maybe at first he likes Danny because he's cute, and throws hissy fits, and is a good cop. But Danny starts doing things that make Steve make actual heart eyes. For example:
Long story short, to get some info they have to wear these shirts advertising Waiola Shaved Ice, which is embarrassing, yes, and makes them look like a date gone wrong, yes. But this little girl pegs them for cops in about two seconds and might hurt their cause, so Danny hands over this massive pink stuffed bunny he had in the back seat of his car that, originally, was supposed to be for his daughter Grace to bring to animal show and tell at school this week. Except Step Stan bought her an actual bunny. Danny is super sweet with the little girl, hands over the bunny, makes this adorable face and then turns to look at Steve and says "What?" (not even defensively) and Steve just looks like... like maybe he's seeing Danny totally differently now. And of course, he has to return the favour, so we're introduced to the first sighting of Steve the Science Guy:
Danny: Wait a minute, how do you know the boot prints don't belong to Hess?
Steve: Hess wears a size 11 like me except double [something]; the prints I found were smaller. And Hess has his footwear custom-made. Direct-injected polyeurithane mid-sole with a natural rubber outer-sole.
Danny: ....huh. Your uh, brain must be a miserable place. I need a beer.
Since that didn't work quite as well as he'd hoped, Steve steps it up a notch:
Steve gets them beers and sets up a nice romantic spot on the private beach behind his house (!!), decides to change his shirt for no apparent reason (in front of Danny, natch), and then tells him all about the Big Secret Evidence Box his dad left for him that he hasn't told anyone about and won't tell anyone else about for another 10 episodes. I like to view this scene as Steve deciding remarkably quickly that he would probably like to keep Danny for the rest of his life. Meanwhile, Danny somehow misses the point and encourages Steve at the same time:
Steve: You ever gonna tell me what "Danno" means?
Danny: Yeah, when you tell me what's in the box.
Steve: Truth is, I don't know yet. All I know is that my father wanted me to find it. Right now it's just a puzzle.
Danny: You know, me and Grace, we like puzzles.
I BET YOU AND GRACE COULD LIKE STEVE, TOO, DANNY.
Ahem. Right.
Not showing it here, because this post is going to be super long, but Danny tells Steve what Danno means. Steve decides this is the cutest thing ever.
Steve: It's cute!
Danny: Shut up!
Steve: What, what-- why, why--
Danny: Because! Because! Because I don't need you thinking anything about it! It's between me and my daughter!
After driving a car onto a boat and shooting a bunch of dudes, including Buffy's Spike:
Danny: What do you want me to do with this one?
Steve: [big grin through the blood on his face] Book'im, Danno!
Danny: What'd I tell you about that? [turns to squirming convict] Where are you trying to go? Where? Where? Go ahead. You want me to shoot you? Stop.
Steve: [sappy grin]
Danny: Just stop.
To show Danny how much he cares already, Steve gets him two expensive passes to a fancy hotel for he and Grace to stay at for three days, where she can swim with the dolphins.
Danny: What, uh, what is this?
Steve: Three nights at the Kahala Hotel. Look, I know you're gonna say no...
Danny: You're right, I'm gonna say no. What is it with you and my living arrangements?
Steve: Grace's coming over this weekend, right?
Danny: ....yeah.
Steve: Okay, so I heard this place has a pool, you can swim with the dolphins, just take it.
Danny: Hey. You look uh, you look really bad. Thank you.
Steve: [blatant heart eyes] You're welcome.
Danny: ...thank you...
Brief intro to our awesome stars: Chin, Kono, Danny (and Grace) and Steve.
Steve: [jumps] What is it with you and walking into other people's houses?
Danny: Well I knocked.
Steve: I didn't hear you knock.
Danny: Well I did, I knocked, and then I saw you through the window and I thought you nodded.
Steve: Didn't nod.
Danny: ....Would you like me to leave?
Steve: Depends. [flirty] What's in the bag?
Danny: Oh! Those uh, doughnut-like things they sell on the block?
Steve: Malasadas?
Danny: Yeah, whatever they are, they're fried and they taste good. You want one?
Steve: No. Not without bypass surgery. And you can stay [as Danny shoves a doughnut in his face], just don't eat near my stuff.
Danny: [chipmunk cheeks] Can I have a napkin?
Steve: [gives him a once-over] ....Yeah.
Danny: What was that look?? What, they teach you how not to spill in the army?
Steve: It was the Navy! Okay? The Navy!
Steve: It's not the spill. [wipes up for Danny] It's the tie. Nobody in Hawaii wears a tie.
Danny: Oh, I'm sorry, I like to look like a professional.
Steve: A professional what?
Danny: Okay. This is my favourite tie. Grace gave me this tie for father's day. Oh, and also so you know, back in Jersey and every normal city in this country, this is what a detective looks like.
Steve: Really?
Danny: Yeah, really!
Steve: Really. Shirt, tie, and doughnut crumbs? You missed a spot. [Doesn't Steve mean Steve missed a spot? He's the one who cleaned Danny up.] You're never gonna fit in here looking like you're from the mainland.
Danny: Who says I wanna fit in? I don't wanna fit in! I wanna look like I'm from the mainland! I got 87 homicide cases under my belt looking like this.
Steve: Not in 110 degree weather you don't. I'm just saying!
Danny: I'm not taking off the tie!
Steve: Fine.
Danny: So leave it alone!
Steve: Okay.
Danny: Okay? You- you wanna discuss my shoes?
Steve: Well now that you mention it, patent leather loafers?
Danny: Will you uh, do me a favour please? Just let it go.
They then proceed to have a meaningful conversation about the CHAMP toolbox, but if this were many other shows, this would have happened:
Mrs. Hudson: You two having another domestic?
Later, Chin, Danny, and Steve pile into an elevator in search of a guy who is probably hiding out on the roof of this hotel. Of course they're armed to the teeth and scaring two tourists and their adorable son, who is clutching an inflatable hippo.
Steve: [cocks his gun]
Danny: [ahem!]
Steve: Uh, we're cops. Don't worry.
Danny: [looks at Chin]
Chin: [looks at Danny]
Danny: You like hippos? I like hippos, too. I got a daughter, she loves hippos. Everybody likes hippos. Okay. [smiles at the parents]
Doors: [ding!]
Tourists: [flee]
Danny: You have an amazing way with children.
Steve: [genuinely confused] ...what?
Danny: [can't even believe this is happening]
Chin: [thinks everyone else is crazycakes]
Danny: ..........nothing.
Car fight!
Steve: Let it go. Just let it go.
Danny: Please, do not speak to me right now.
Steve: Okay, so we're going to go through that whole thing again. Why do we have to--
Danny ZIP IT, for a second. I'm gonna speak now. It is my turn.
Steve: [nods and shuts up like the totally whipped boyfriend he is]
Danny: blah blah
Steve: I wasn't going to kill him!
Danny: Why are you talking?
Steve: I was just trying to explain--
Danny: WHY ARE YOUR LIPS MOVING? blah blah
Steve: Can I speak?
Danny: PLEASE!
Steve: [exploring the house, tries to sneak a glance at Danny]
Danny: [staring at a bookshelf]
Steve: Fall asleep with your eyes open again?
I like to assume this means Steve caught Danny staring at him once and Danny said he had fallen asleep with his eyes open. Because Danny might, somehow, not have caught on that Steve wants in his pants yet, but he can appreciate that he looks nice, right?
Steve: We need to find someone who can make sense of this.
Danny: What, Naval Intelligence, none of this looks familiar to you?
Steve: [defensive, embarrassed] No! I've seen super-grade crytography before but this isn't it, this is something else, this is like off-the-grid hacker world.
Danny: Hacker. I think I know a guy who can help us.
Steve: [trying not to be jealous already]
Toast: Oh my. Dessert before dinner. Hey, Jersey. Aloha~ [blatantly checks Danny out] You're looking all kama'aina.
Steve: [appears to agree with Toast; is making soft eyes at Danny] It's the tie, right?
Toast: Really sells it.
Danny: I don't know what that means. Ah, we need a favour, Toast.
So basically Toast wants, to paraphrase a particular story I love, would like to see Danny "naked and spread-eagled on a mattress somewhere". Probably a lot. All the time. I guess he and Steve have what you might call common interests.
Steve: Book'im, Danno.
Danny: Really? I mean, is that going to be a thing now?
Steve: You don't like it?
Danny: I don't like it.
Steve: I think it's catchy.
Danny: [to criminal] What are you looking at? Go. Go ahead, walk. Right this way.
We, like Steve McGarrett have only one question left: When is Danny going to take his shirt off?
Two episodes this time, and we'll see what happens next time, FG fans. Long post is incredibly long and took all day.
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PhotoshopMS Paint skills are AWESOME. Clearly.no subject
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:P
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