An Open Letter To Tim Gunn

[whyareyoulikethis]

Gunn left his last boyfriend in 1982 — long before a good chunk of Runway's fans were even born — and he's not looking for another one. ''I don't think I'm meant to have a relationship in this life. I've never gotten over [the last breakup],'' he says. ''I never want to experience that level of hurt ever again.'' He adds that he doesn't regret choosing to stay single. ''My workdays are long. I'm really glad to go home and just close the door. There are other people who would say, 'That's crazy. You should want to share your life with somebody.' Ehh. I'm not there.''

Dear Tim,

Ever since that article came out about you in Entertainment Weekly a few years back we’ve been, in true Tim Gunn fashion, concerned. Actually, rather heartbroken on your behalf. No, forget that, what we really want is to know who your ex is so we can leave a flaming bag of unicorn poo on his front door for making you swear off love forever.

Getting your heart squished sucks. We know this. But Tim, your future happiness is strangely important to us. If you're legitimately in an asexual/aromantic place right now that's cool, but if not, that quote up there makes you sound like the heroine at the beginning of a Lifetime romantic comedy. It may be shameful, but we are weak to that action, and have a full skill set acquired by watching a lot of said romantic comedies. We can make this happen for you. We have the technology.

You're one of our favorite people, Tim, and we just want you to find love! Or at least get fantastically laid! Because let's be honest, if you, the classiest class act that has ever been classy, can’t make it work then what hope is there for any of us?

And so, because we care, here are some of our suggestions for the future Mrs. Tim Gunn:


1. Zachary Quinto


ZQ is bringing something back, and it's not sexy, it's those wretched 80s jeans.

I know, you’re probably thinking, what is he wearing? And the answer is something Marty McFly would have rocked out if he had traveled to Williamsburg instead of the 1950s. But don't get distracted by the clothes. You of all people can fix that, and then do us a favor and burn his fug hats. Besides, fuck the outside, we bet ZQ's birthday suit is exquisitely tailored within an inch of his life. We're positive he swings your way, and maybe you can use your gentle, mentoring ways to give him a self-confidence boost? This one is a fixer-upper for sure, but with a lot of potential.


2. Anderson Cooper


People tattooing your face on their arm? Not classy. You? Classy. You've got this one in the bag, baby.

We know you sorta said you had a crush on Anderson Cooper a while ago. You deserve whatever you want, darling! Even though Anderson isn't "officially" out, he's about as far in the closet as a dude who watches The Real Housewives of Atlanta can be (NONE. NONE IN THE CLOSET). Unofficially, he might have himself a boytoy, we think. But don't let that worry you. You're 1,000,000 times better than some dime-a-dozen East Village twink. Besides, in terms of reality cred, Anderson once hosted The Mole. Don't sell yourself short.


3. Victor Garber


What's better than one silver fox? Two silver foxes. That sounds like the kind of children's book I never read but would have enjoyed.

Victor has a love of theater and art. He's smart, but has a badass edge that's pretty sexy. As an added bonus, he doesn't dress like he fell out of the trag tree and hit every fugly branch on the way down. What's not to like? As a bonus, Fandom totally endorses this choice. VICTOR GARBER FOR TIM GUNN'S BOYFRIEND '10! Yeah, we saved the best for last.

So there you have it. All you have to do is think about it, Tim. You're plenty awesome on your own but maybe, in the immortal words of The Eagles, a very important band for some of us around here, you better let somebody love you before it's too late.

Lots of love, invite us to your wedding,
Fanspastic