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stopitsomemoreBecause what happens with Trek fans? They get a very shiny, very cool reboot of the original series done by people with people around them who are willing to be like, "No, JJ, shut the hell up, stop it, STOP IT," in all areas except for the subject of lens flares.
What do Star Wars fans get? We get punched in the face with Lucasfilm's Five-Finger Mary of a 3D re-release beginning with the Phantom Menace.
Let's be clear: I'm not filled with tears and despair because he's putting the movies into 3D, I think we all realized that was an unavoidable reality. As boys who have never known the touch of a woman but have developed very strong feelings for their Fleshlights have evidenced, 3D porn is kind of a holy grail of adult entertainment technology -- at least until we have immersive 3D porn, which is going to really up the ante on fan productions of PWPs, is all that I am saying -- so obviously, Lucas was going to take up the Star Wars flicks with his sweaty, sweaty hands and rub them all over a 3D machine with the desperate fervor of a 17 year-old doing well, anything.
No, I am filled with tears and despair because he is beginning this fucking reign of terror by making fucking Episode 1: The Phantom Menace 3D. Which means he's going to do Attack of the Clones. Which means he will do the third one, too, the one where I nearly got thrown out of a fucking movie theater at like 2 a.m. for the world premier because I shouted, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" at the screen one too many times around greasy boys dressed as Sith Lords. (I still maintain they were fucking haters; I mean, I was in that God damn theater with them, wasn't I?)
Even more pernicious, we all know what any re-release of Star Wars related bullshit actually means: it means I go back to the Master and Apprentice archive and lose several weeks of my life reading reams and reams of slave Obi-Wan in harem pants and question my life choices. Don't lie: so will you.
What do Star Wars fans get? We get punched in the face with Lucasfilm's Five-Finger Mary of a 3D re-release beginning with the Phantom Menace.
Let's be clear: I'm not filled with tears and despair because he's putting the movies into 3D, I think we all realized that was an unavoidable reality. As boys who have never known the touch of a woman but have developed very strong feelings for their Fleshlights have evidenced, 3D porn is kind of a holy grail of adult entertainment technology -- at least until we have immersive 3D porn, which is going to really up the ante on fan productions of PWPs, is all that I am saying -- so obviously, Lucas was going to take up the Star Wars flicks with his sweaty, sweaty hands and rub them all over a 3D machine with the desperate fervor of a 17 year-old doing well, anything.
No, I am filled with tears and despair because he is beginning this fucking reign of terror by making fucking Episode 1: The Phantom Menace 3D. Which means he's going to do Attack of the Clones. Which means he will do the third one, too, the one where I nearly got thrown out of a fucking movie theater at like 2 a.m. for the world premier because I shouted, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" at the screen one too many times around greasy boys dressed as Sith Lords. (I still maintain they were fucking haters; I mean, I was in that God damn theater with them, wasn't I?)
Even more pernicious, we all know what any re-release of Star Wars related bullshit actually means: it means I go back to the Master and Apprentice archive and lose several weeks of my life reading reams and reams of slave Obi-Wan in harem pants and question my life choices. Don't lie: so will you.