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fangasmicIf you are relentlessly behind on Glee, one, I am ashamed of you (Smell your pits, that's failure.), two, PICK UP THE PACE, SHORT BUS.
If you are ready and panting for it-- and have watched Mean Girls as many times as I have--
Pick up a box or twenty, treasure trail. You're gonna need 'em.
Sue meets with KurtCedes. Mercedes is wearing the track bottoms with her Cheerios costume, still– and last week I protested that she was more than cute enough to pull off the skirt, as She is.. Sasha Fierce. But damn, girl knows it- she's just concerned she'll start a "sex riot." KurtCedes flips their hair in tandem, in the cutest tandem thing I have seen since a bike, and the best hair flip post-Elle Woods. Sue is curious as to how they "don't have a show on Bravo." (The answer being neither of them have a substance abuse problem.) The long and the short of it being that Splits Magazine (I was going to google this to see if it was real... but I was too scared) has named Sue the coach of the last 2000 years. A Tracy Pendergrass is coming to interview her and see the squad in a week, and an ultimatum is made:
Mercedes needs to lose 10 pounds by then and be in the gender-appropriate uniform. (Kurt is not exempt- apparently he has "hips like a pear"... and I've clearly been in fandom too long, because I just thought that at least it'll make the MPREG babies easier to bear.)
And Sue then boots them out of her office, so she can call the Ohio State Secretary, and let them know she won't be carrying photo id anymore- because what has two thumbs and should be recognized by the adoring masses all around? Sue Sylvester.
TITLECARD.
Schue busts up into the Teachers' Lounge, because the auditorium has been padlocked- naturally, Sue has made up a sign up sheet and has the auditorium booked up until the 5th of FOREVER and since she roofied Figgins, she is nigh unstoppable. Schue sadly tells the Gleeks of the lack of rehearsal space to general rage- Rachel wants a sit in, Puck wants to flip the bitch. Schue promises he's on the hunt for a new "home." (I see what you did there.)
Kurt whips out a swatchboard to make Susan Hilferty proud- he's going for a "Hunting lodge meets Tom Ford's place in Bel Air" look- which... all I can say is stop nesting, Kurt. Also, Sleepless in Seattle explained that swatches are the way to no one's heart. Finn picks the Toile under extreme duress, although Kurt thought he'd roll Chinoiserie. (At this point I realized there was no point to my life because I knew what both of those things were and how to spell them off the top of my head.)
Meanwhile, KurtCedes are discussing dieting woes, and Mercedes is shamed for picking up her nutritionally sound lunch, because if you're hardcore, you're on Sue's Master Cleanse. (If you're really hardcore, try Kalteen bars. They're Swedish or something.)
For Cheerios and Winchesters only.
Meanwhile, Finn is dealing with the cognitive dissonance every man suffers when his mother gets a haircut ("Is it-- it's... redder? No, longer!") and starts selling their bedroom set. Coincidentally, we find out Finn was conceived on pinball machine. Surprised? Party of NOT ME. But Finn puts his foot down when it comes to getting rid of his dad's chair- the only picture of Finn and his dad together was taken in that chair and Finn is about ready to hot glue his lanky ass to it, if that's what it takes. When pushed about it, Mrs. Hudson admits she has been seeing someone: BURT HUMMEL, FATHER OF KURT. (My heart explodes.)
Mr. Schue is still on his hunt for a new "home" (I still see what you did there) with such stunning options as the roller rink- and lo and behold, if you asked me who would be the owner/operator of a roller rink? I would immediately answer "Tony and Emmy Award-Winning Actress and Singer Kristen Chenoweth."
AND I WOULD BE RIGHT.
April is thrilled to see Will and the two sing Bruce Springsteen's “Fire”– which, thank you for asking, has been stuck in my head since then- but it's not quite as good as Elmer Fudd's "Fire." They do some, actually, extremely adorable couple's skating- which I was pretty impressed by, as the last time I went to a roller rink (Spring of 1999 for any interested parties), I was distinctly incapable of any of their moves. When the song is over, Will asks April what happened- the last time we saw her, she was talking about heading to Branson, MO and making something of herself- but instead she's a rich codger's mistress, Buddy Liebowitz, Strip Mall Tycoon. Will demurs that he has to run to show his apartment- he's looking for smaller digs- at which point he tells April that he's divorcing Terri. April is, to say the least, enthused about boning him, which seems to be the reaction of pretty much every woman over the age of 30 on this show- oh, and Rachel. And while Will shoots her down on that one, he does agree to let her come see the apartment to see if she's interested in "sub-letting." (So that's what the kids are calling it these days.) She, in return, gives Will the free use of the roller rink for the Glee club to practice in.
Elsewhere, Sue is doing a weigh-in- Becky has managed to slim down a bit- I delight every single time I see Becky (who is still just Becky, I hope). And Mercedes? Predictably has gained two pounds. (Cady Heron probably told her butter was a carb.) Sue reminds Mercedes that a vital part of being a Cheerio is eating the still-beating hearts of your enemies- and to LOSE THAT DAMN WEIGHT. Mercedes makes the face of a person about to make an unwise decision.
Whereas Finn corners Kurt in the hall and demands to know how Kurt knew about their parents dating. Kurt spins a tale of some MFEO shit- while in reality, he practically smushed them together and said "LOOK WOULDN'T THIS BE GREAT" and ran away, cackling the chicest little laugh of an evil mastermind. The thing is, while you and Kurt and I know that that this is simply a machination to lure Finn into Kurt's basement... Burt and Carole are maybe the cutest thing on the planet. Like, sunshine and unicorns and Lisa Frank and vomiting cute. Kurt is super full steam ahead, while Finn freaks the fuck out- he's having none of this swatches, Step Brothers shit, he does NOT want to bunk their beds, man. Kurt looks five seconds away from a single tear.
Please thankwhyareyoulikethis for this beautiful gift.
Mr. Schue is super excited about their new jammin', slammin', bitchin' roller rink home, while the club makes general noises of anarchy. But Kurt, like a Fabulous Machiavelli, smells an opportunity in this- and it smells like Burberry Weekend to him. Kurt is all about whatever keeps them together and, in true Glee style, it's not a valid point unless you sing about it and thus breaks out in Dionne Warwick's "A House Is Not A Home." (I couldn't get the original on YouTube, but it's still legit.) This is probably my favorite song in the whole episode- but it's sort of uncomfortable to watch, because Kurt is singing this RIGHT AT FINN. Mostly, you're just like, STOP IT, EVERYONE WILL KNOW YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIM- but then I remembered, oh yeah, EVERYONE KNOWS. But it's still pretty funny for the rest of us- Puck mouths “You're gay?” at Finn, like- he almost feels bad for knocking up Finn's girlfriend? But he didn't realize it would put Finn off women entirely? There is a painfully adorable moment where Brittany and Santana link pinkies and seriously, OTP. Will has his emo manpain face on, because he's LONELY (in his pants), and Finn--- FINN SINGS TO HIS DAD'S ASHES IN THE LAZ-Y BOY.
A Special Message:
Kurt is painfully, desperately high-school-in-love and Chris Colfer plays this like a genius. AND WE GET OUR SINGLE TEAR. \FISTPUMP\
April shows up for her viewing... with an overnight bag. Amidst my crippling fear that they will hook up, I do note that she's wearing a super cute coat. KChens and MMorrs set a great scene of two people who are used to constantly being with someone- anyone- and are now desperate for some companionship. April insists that she can't sub-let anything without trying to sleep there first, and Will- reluctantly- agrees to let her stay. They sing another duet- Babs originated the mash-up they sing- “One Less Bell to Answer/A House Is Not a Home.” It's beautiful- I love listening to it, but I spent the whole time praying to any gods I could bribe that they wouldn't hook up, which made me crazy-eyed and tense and barely able to enjoy it. Will puts away a picture of him and Terri and helps April make her bed on the couch- again, it's super cute, but the whole time I was clutching my Gleebro's hand sending a Hail Mary, which was needed, because April does crawl into bed with Will- but they just lay next to each other, holding hands- it's surprisingly chaste and I nearly wet my pants with relief. (Moral of the Story: WILL STOP MAKING ME WORRY ABOUT YOUR MANGINITY.)
Meanwhile, at Breadsticks, possibly the only restaurant in Lima, OH, Kurt makes a toast to the merging of their family. Cory Monteith, while possibly the most auto-tuned person on the planet, is stellar in this scene- he pulls off a perfect sullen temper tantrum, the likes of which I haven't seen since my 7 year old cousin had to stop watching the second Pokemon movie to eat dinner. Burt pitches him a softball- he asks him about basketball season, and they bond over playing football. Kurt tries to redirect the conversation to Carole and his ongoing What Not To Wearing of her wardrobe, but it falls flat as the boys pick right back up- you can see the exact moment Kurt's face falls and he realizes maybe it's not better to be feared than loved- Fabchiavelli's plan is backfiring right in his face. Later, at Casa de Hummel, Kurt is ripping down the gray paint samples off the wall- and Burt, being the perceptive guy he is, suspects something's wrong. Kurt tries to play it off, but Burt knows ladies, and "Nothing is wrong, why would you ask?" is the biggest DANGER, WILL ROBINSON sign there is. Burt reminds Kurt that he's made every effort to love and support Kurt for who he is- that Kurt said he set Burt and Carole up because he wanted Burt to be happy- and he is. Kurt lets it all out- he's hurt because he thinks Burt has never expressed the kind of interest in him, ever, that he did in talking to Finn about sports tonight. Burt makes a gaffe- he says 'guy talk' is what he was having with Finn. Kurt is absolutely crushed- he reminds his dad he's a guy, too.
The next day, Mercedes is having lunch with Artina- Tina offers to split her peppermint patty with Mercedes who turns it down- she can't have Taco Bell, God, Karen, she's on an all-carb diet!- when all of a sudden Tina looks like an ice cream cone, Artie a slice of chocolate cheesecake. THEY'RE ADORABLE AND SCRUMDDIDLYUMPTIOUS. Mercedes tells them to stop making her want to eat them and tries to bolt out of the lunch room, staggering by Pink Cupcake Rachel and Hamburger Jesse, who are so, so, so precious. Finally, Mercedes faints.
If you don't believe that a cupcake and a burger could make beautiful babies, feast your eyes on that.
Mercedes wakes up in the nurse’s office. The nurse calls her mom to pick her up, and the curtain reveals: Quinn. Quinn has been subtly watching Mercedes all ep, and tells her that she knows what it's like to hating herself for eating a cookie- Mercedes scoffs- because what could a girl like Quinn know about hating how she looks? Quinn tells her she knows exactly what it's like, including the other kids turning into food. She explains that since she's been pregnant, she's been good about eating right, about taking care of herself and her baby- and that she realized there was something wrong that she would take care of her baby, but not herself. They get to the heart of the matter- Mercedes is ashamed- not of her weight, but that she lost her confidence in her own self-image- that she let Sue and everyone else tell her who she is isn't good enough. Right about this point I think I was sobbing that Quinn shouldn't give the baby up because she'll be such a good mommy, and honestly, I spend a lot of time frustrated with Quinn and Mercedes' choices and terrible advice, but they really got this one right.
The Glee kids head to the rink, and Carrie Underwood’s "Home Sweet Home" is playing. (I can still see what you're doing there, Glee.) Will lays down some law: April just can't live with him. He tells her she's worth more than this- she has more talent and she deserves better than being the mistress of some old dude. April agrees and tells Will that she's going to break it off with Buddy- but we've seen the big turnaround from April before, so.
Back at McKinley, Kurt talks to Finn in hallway about breaking up their parents- he feels like he set up Liza and David Gest. (Okay, I laughed.) Finn tells Kurt that he knows him and Burt talking about sports hurt Kurt– and everyone, a moment of silent reflection for Finn Hudson's first moment of perceptiveness, possibly ever. Finn explains that he doesn't like what he perceives to be his mom forgetting his dad, so he'll help Kurt split them up. Fabchiavelli feels back on track and less like he needs to moisturize his pain away.
Finn decides to take the direct and assholish route- he tells Carole he's going to flush his dad's ashes, because clearly, that's what she's doing, what she wants. Clearly, a dam breaks for her- she tells Finn she can't live any more, pretending they're a normal family. Finn doesn't get it, because this is all he knows, but that they're a broken family- they need other people. She still talks to his father, but he's dead- he's never coming back and she's so alone, raising Finn by herself and desperately needing someone else, someone to support her. I cannot say enough about Romy Rosemont's beyond terrific acting in this scene. Like, the next time you need to weep the most tears ever, take a gander here.
Finally- the fateful hour- the Pep Rally of Doom. Tracy Pendergrass, naturally, turns out to be a Pulitzer prize winning reporter and a black man. Sue's gender stereotypes are perturbed. Before the Cheerios can start, Mercedes walks out, still in her trackies. There's dead silence and even Sue is scrambling to explain what's going on- "So important to build the tension." Mercedes, supported by a look from Quinn, proceeds to speak her mind- for once, not being sassy, just heartfelt and serious, and it's a nice turn for Mercedes, and Amber Riley plays it nicely. She goes out on a limb- she asks who has ever felt fat, who has felt uncool- who has felt personally victimized by Regina George- and it's clear the crowd is tentatively on her side.
WHO HERE HAS PERSONALLY FELT VICTIMIZED BY SUE SYLVESTER?
Mercedes sings “Beautiful”, as originally done by Christina Aguilera. The Glee club joins in- even Puckzilla, and all I could think was how glad I was this didn't happen. (And if you haven't gotten the 6 previous references to Mean Girls I've made, watch the most amazing video ever and step your game up. And if you still don't believe in the power of this mash-up, try this on for size. But they only carry sizes 1, 3 and 5. Maybe you should try Sears.) I was sort of surprised- since Amber rocks the diva voice- that they didn't have her simply blow the song out of the water, but I actually think it was the right choice to make- it's an affirmation, not a celebration. But more importantly, Kurtcedes is once more together- Kurt apologizes for making her feel like she needed to change to succeed, to be one of the Cheerios.
Sue looks horrified- WHAT ARE PEOPLE DOING GETTING THEIR FEELINGS IN HER PEP RALLY. She has a meeting with Tracy in her office – she's clearly ready to spin it as Kool-Aid in the water or something- but Tracy cuts her off. He was coming here convinced she was a dinosaur and a bigot and was going to expose her in his article- AND YET the pep rally convinced him that Sue is a visionary, who focuses what's inside and embraces diversity. Sue looks as baffled as we are, but rallies, looking thoughtful. I'd ask if this was going to teach her a lesson that those mouthbreathing feelers can help her succeed but... this is Sue.
At the Hudson's, Finn comes into the kitchen to find Burt there. Finn's snotty and defensive, but Burt puts it out there- he loves Carole, and wants to make her happy, and he knows he can't replace Finn's dad and doesn't want to- "I can’t be your dad, but I will be her hero for as long as she will take me." I can't say enough about Mike O'Malley as Burt, he's AMAZING. Finn realizes that Burt is sincere and hopefully that he's a better fake father than Mr. Schue. They agree to watch the game together, and, in a big step, Finn offers Burt his dad's chair. Burt cementsstopitsomemore's love forever with the following line: "I hate Duke like I hate the Nazis." Meanwhile, Kurt and I are making sadfaces through the window- Fabchiavelli is foiled once more.
The Glee club has a surprise for Will! April, who hasn't had a drink in 45 minutes, has managed to get cast in an all-white production of The Wiz. And in other pressing news- Buddy Liebowitz died and his widow gave her 2m in hush money- April bought the auditorium for the Glee kids. Backed by the club, April sings “Home,” from The Wiz, bedazzled out and beautiful.
...
And once again, thanks to American Idol, our DVRs cut out in the final number. Dear American Idol:
You might say,damngirl, you are tres behind. This is the truth. That is why you should look back here LATER TONIGHT for 1x17, "Bad Reputation."
If you are ready and panting for it-- and have watched Mean Girls as many times as I have--
Pick up a box or twenty, treasure trail. You're gonna need 'em.
Sue meets with KurtCedes. Mercedes is wearing the track bottoms with her Cheerios costume, still– and last week I protested that she was more than cute enough to pull off the skirt, as She is.. Sasha Fierce. But damn, girl knows it- she's just concerned she'll start a "sex riot." KurtCedes flips their hair in tandem, in the cutest tandem thing I have seen since a bike, and the best hair flip post-Elle Woods. Sue is curious as to how they "don't have a show on Bravo." (The answer being neither of them have a substance abuse problem.) The long and the short of it being that Splits Magazine (I was going to google this to see if it was real... but I was too scared) has named Sue the coach of the last 2000 years. A Tracy Pendergrass is coming to interview her and see the squad in a week, and an ultimatum is made:
Mercedes needs to lose 10 pounds by then and be in the gender-appropriate uniform. (Kurt is not exempt- apparently he has "hips like a pear"... and I've clearly been in fandom too long, because I just thought that at least it'll make the MPREG babies easier to bear.)
And Sue then boots them out of her office, so she can call the Ohio State Secretary, and let them know she won't be carrying photo id anymore- because what has two thumbs and should be recognized by the adoring masses all around? Sue Sylvester.
TITLECARD.
Schue busts up into the Teachers' Lounge, because the auditorium has been padlocked- naturally, Sue has made up a sign up sheet and has the auditorium booked up until the 5th of FOREVER and since she roofied Figgins, she is nigh unstoppable. Schue sadly tells the Gleeks of the lack of rehearsal space to general rage- Rachel wants a sit in, Puck wants to flip the bitch. Schue promises he's on the hunt for a new "home." (I see what you did there.)
Kurt whips out a swatchboard to make Susan Hilferty proud- he's going for a "Hunting lodge meets Tom Ford's place in Bel Air" look- which... all I can say is stop nesting, Kurt. Also, Sleepless in Seattle explained that swatches are the way to no one's heart. Finn picks the Toile under extreme duress, although Kurt thought he'd roll Chinoiserie. (At this point I realized there was no point to my life because I knew what both of those things were and how to spell them off the top of my head.)
Meanwhile, KurtCedes are discussing dieting woes, and Mercedes is shamed for picking up her nutritionally sound lunch, because if you're hardcore, you're on Sue's Master Cleanse. (If you're really hardcore, try Kalteen bars. They're Swedish or something.)
For Cheerios and Winchesters only.
Meanwhile, Finn is dealing with the cognitive dissonance every man suffers when his mother gets a haircut ("Is it-- it's... redder? No, longer!") and starts selling their bedroom set. Coincidentally, we find out Finn was conceived on pinball machine. Surprised? Party of NOT ME. But Finn puts his foot down when it comes to getting rid of his dad's chair- the only picture of Finn and his dad together was taken in that chair and Finn is about ready to hot glue his lanky ass to it, if that's what it takes. When pushed about it, Mrs. Hudson admits she has been seeing someone: BURT HUMMEL, FATHER OF KURT. (My heart explodes.)
Mr. Schue is still on his hunt for a new "home" (I still see what you did there) with such stunning options as the roller rink- and lo and behold, if you asked me who would be the owner/operator of a roller rink? I would immediately answer "Tony and Emmy Award-Winning Actress and Singer Kristen Chenoweth."
AND I WOULD BE RIGHT.
April is thrilled to see Will and the two sing Bruce Springsteen's “Fire”– which, thank you for asking, has been stuck in my head since then- but it's not quite as good as Elmer Fudd's "Fire." They do some, actually, extremely adorable couple's skating- which I was pretty impressed by, as the last time I went to a roller rink (Spring of 1999 for any interested parties), I was distinctly incapable of any of their moves. When the song is over, Will asks April what happened- the last time we saw her, she was talking about heading to Branson, MO and making something of herself- but instead she's a rich codger's mistress, Buddy Liebowitz, Strip Mall Tycoon. Will demurs that he has to run to show his apartment- he's looking for smaller digs- at which point he tells April that he's divorcing Terri. April is, to say the least, enthused about boning him, which seems to be the reaction of pretty much every woman over the age of 30 on this show- oh, and Rachel. And while Will shoots her down on that one, he does agree to let her come see the apartment to see if she's interested in "sub-letting." (So that's what the kids are calling it these days.) She, in return, gives Will the free use of the roller rink for the Glee club to practice in.
Elsewhere, Sue is doing a weigh-in- Becky has managed to slim down a bit- I delight every single time I see Becky (who is still just Becky, I hope). And Mercedes? Predictably has gained two pounds. (Cady Heron probably told her butter was a carb.) Sue reminds Mercedes that a vital part of being a Cheerio is eating the still-beating hearts of your enemies- and to LOSE THAT DAMN WEIGHT. Mercedes makes the face of a person about to make an unwise decision.
Whereas Finn corners Kurt in the hall and demands to know how Kurt knew about their parents dating. Kurt spins a tale of some MFEO shit- while in reality, he practically smushed them together and said "LOOK WOULDN'T THIS BE GREAT" and ran away, cackling the chicest little laugh of an evil mastermind. The thing is, while you and Kurt and I know that that this is simply a machination to lure Finn into Kurt's basement... Burt and Carole are maybe the cutest thing on the planet. Like, sunshine and unicorns and Lisa Frank and vomiting cute. Kurt is super full steam ahead, while Finn freaks the fuck out- he's having none of this swatches, Step Brothers shit, he does NOT want to bunk their beds, man. Kurt looks five seconds away from a single tear.
Please thank
whyareyoulikethis for this beautiful gift.Mr. Schue is super excited about their new jammin', slammin', bitchin' roller rink home, while the club makes general noises of anarchy. But Kurt, like a Fabulous Machiavelli, smells an opportunity in this- and it smells like Burberry Weekend to him. Kurt is all about whatever keeps them together and, in true Glee style, it's not a valid point unless you sing about it and thus breaks out in Dionne Warwick's "A House Is Not A Home." (I couldn't get the original on YouTube, but it's still legit.) This is probably my favorite song in the whole episode- but it's sort of uncomfortable to watch, because Kurt is singing this RIGHT AT FINN. Mostly, you're just like, STOP IT, EVERYONE WILL KNOW YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIM- but then I remembered, oh yeah, EVERYONE KNOWS. But it's still pretty funny for the rest of us- Puck mouths “You're gay?” at Finn, like- he almost feels bad for knocking up Finn's girlfriend? But he didn't realize it would put Finn off women entirely? There is a painfully adorable moment where Brittany and Santana link pinkies and seriously, OTP. Will has his emo manpain face on, because he's LONELY (in his pants), and Finn--- FINN SINGS TO HIS DAD'S ASHES IN THE LAZ-Y BOY.
A Special Message:
FINN STOP SINGING TO INANIMATE OBJECTS. THIS INCLUDES YOUR DAD'S ASHES, CHAIRS, ULTRA-SOUNDS AND QUINN'S DAD.
Kurt is painfully, desperately high-school-in-love and Chris Colfer plays this like a genius. AND WE GET OUR SINGLE TEAR. \FISTPUMP\
April shows up for her viewing... with an overnight bag. Amidst my crippling fear that they will hook up, I do note that she's wearing a super cute coat. KChens and MMorrs set a great scene of two people who are used to constantly being with someone- anyone- and are now desperate for some companionship. April insists that she can't sub-let anything without trying to sleep there first, and Will- reluctantly- agrees to let her stay. They sing another duet- Babs originated the mash-up they sing- “One Less Bell to Answer/A House Is Not a Home.” It's beautiful- I love listening to it, but I spent the whole time praying to any gods I could bribe that they wouldn't hook up, which made me crazy-eyed and tense and barely able to enjoy it. Will puts away a picture of him and Terri and helps April make her bed on the couch- again, it's super cute, but the whole time I was clutching my Gleebro's hand sending a Hail Mary, which was needed, because April does crawl into bed with Will- but they just lay next to each other, holding hands- it's surprisingly chaste and I nearly wet my pants with relief. (Moral of the Story: WILL STOP MAKING ME WORRY ABOUT YOUR MANGINITY.)
Meanwhile, at Breadsticks, possibly the only restaurant in Lima, OH, Kurt makes a toast to the merging of their family. Cory Monteith, while possibly the most auto-tuned person on the planet, is stellar in this scene- he pulls off a perfect sullen temper tantrum, the likes of which I haven't seen since my 7 year old cousin had to stop watching the second Pokemon movie to eat dinner. Burt pitches him a softball- he asks him about basketball season, and they bond over playing football. Kurt tries to redirect the conversation to Carole and his ongoing What Not To Wearing of her wardrobe, but it falls flat as the boys pick right back up- you can see the exact moment Kurt's face falls and he realizes maybe it's not better to be feared than loved- Fabchiavelli's plan is backfiring right in his face. Later, at Casa de Hummel, Kurt is ripping down the gray paint samples off the wall- and Burt, being the perceptive guy he is, suspects something's wrong. Kurt tries to play it off, but Burt knows ladies, and "Nothing is wrong, why would you ask?" is the biggest DANGER, WILL ROBINSON sign there is. Burt reminds Kurt that he's made every effort to love and support Kurt for who he is- that Kurt said he set Burt and Carole up because he wanted Burt to be happy- and he is. Kurt lets it all out- he's hurt because he thinks Burt has never expressed the kind of interest in him, ever, that he did in talking to Finn about sports tonight. Burt makes a gaffe- he says 'guy talk' is what he was having with Finn. Kurt is absolutely crushed- he reminds his dad he's a guy, too.
The next day, Mercedes is having lunch with Artina- Tina offers to split her peppermint patty with Mercedes who turns it down- she can't have Taco Bell, God, Karen, she's on an all-carb diet!- when all of a sudden Tina looks like an ice cream cone, Artie a slice of chocolate cheesecake. THEY'RE ADORABLE AND SCRUMDDIDLYUMPTIOUS. Mercedes tells them to stop making her want to eat them and tries to bolt out of the lunch room, staggering by Pink Cupcake Rachel and Hamburger Jesse, who are so, so, so precious. Finally, Mercedes faints.
If you don't believe that a cupcake and a burger could make beautiful babies, feast your eyes on that.
Mercedes wakes up in the nurse’s office. The nurse calls her mom to pick her up, and the curtain reveals: Quinn. Quinn has been subtly watching Mercedes all ep, and tells her that she knows what it's like to hating herself for eating a cookie- Mercedes scoffs- because what could a girl like Quinn know about hating how she looks? Quinn tells her she knows exactly what it's like, including the other kids turning into food. She explains that since she's been pregnant, she's been good about eating right, about taking care of herself and her baby- and that she realized there was something wrong that she would take care of her baby, but not herself. They get to the heart of the matter- Mercedes is ashamed- not of her weight, but that she lost her confidence in her own self-image- that she let Sue and everyone else tell her who she is isn't good enough. Right about this point I think I was sobbing that Quinn shouldn't give the baby up because she'll be such a good mommy, and honestly, I spend a lot of time frustrated with Quinn and Mercedes' choices and terrible advice, but they really got this one right.
The Glee kids head to the rink, and Carrie Underwood’s "Home Sweet Home" is playing. (I can still see what you're doing there, Glee.) Will lays down some law: April just can't live with him. He tells her she's worth more than this- she has more talent and she deserves better than being the mistress of some old dude. April agrees and tells Will that she's going to break it off with Buddy- but we've seen the big turnaround from April before, so.
Back at McKinley, Kurt talks to Finn in hallway about breaking up their parents- he feels like he set up Liza and David Gest. (Okay, I laughed.) Finn tells Kurt that he knows him and Burt talking about sports hurt Kurt– and everyone, a moment of silent reflection for Finn Hudson's first moment of perceptiveness, possibly ever. Finn explains that he doesn't like what he perceives to be his mom forgetting his dad, so he'll help Kurt split them up. Fabchiavelli feels back on track and less like he needs to moisturize his pain away.
Finn decides to take the direct and assholish route- he tells Carole he's going to flush his dad's ashes, because clearly, that's what she's doing, what she wants. Clearly, a dam breaks for her- she tells Finn she can't live any more, pretending they're a normal family. Finn doesn't get it, because this is all he knows, but that they're a broken family- they need other people. She still talks to his father, but he's dead- he's never coming back and she's so alone, raising Finn by herself and desperately needing someone else, someone to support her. I cannot say enough about Romy Rosemont's beyond terrific acting in this scene. Like, the next time you need to weep the most tears ever, take a gander here.
Finally- the fateful hour- the Pep Rally of Doom. Tracy Pendergrass, naturally, turns out to be a Pulitzer prize winning reporter and a black man. Sue's gender stereotypes are perturbed. Before the Cheerios can start, Mercedes walks out, still in her trackies. There's dead silence and even Sue is scrambling to explain what's going on- "So important to build the tension." Mercedes, supported by a look from Quinn, proceeds to speak her mind- for once, not being sassy, just heartfelt and serious, and it's a nice turn for Mercedes, and Amber Riley plays it nicely. She goes out on a limb- she asks who has ever felt fat, who has felt uncool- who has felt personally victimized by Regina George- and it's clear the crowd is tentatively on her side.
WHO HERE HAS PERSONALLY FELT VICTIMIZED BY SUE SYLVESTER?
Mercedes sings “Beautiful”, as originally done by Christina Aguilera. The Glee club joins in- even Puckzilla, and all I could think was how glad I was this didn't happen. (And if you haven't gotten the 6 previous references to Mean Girls I've made, watch the most amazing video ever and step your game up. And if you still don't believe in the power of this mash-up, try this on for size. But they only carry sizes 1, 3 and 5. Maybe you should try Sears.) I was sort of surprised- since Amber rocks the diva voice- that they didn't have her simply blow the song out of the water, but I actually think it was the right choice to make- it's an affirmation, not a celebration. But more importantly, Kurtcedes is once more together- Kurt apologizes for making her feel like she needed to change to succeed, to be one of the Cheerios.
Sue looks horrified- WHAT ARE PEOPLE DOING GETTING THEIR FEELINGS IN HER PEP RALLY. She has a meeting with Tracy in her office – she's clearly ready to spin it as Kool-Aid in the water or something- but Tracy cuts her off. He was coming here convinced she was a dinosaur and a bigot and was going to expose her in his article- AND YET the pep rally convinced him that Sue is a visionary, who focuses what's inside and embraces diversity. Sue looks as baffled as we are, but rallies, looking thoughtful. I'd ask if this was going to teach her a lesson that those mouthbreathing feelers can help her succeed but... this is Sue.
At the Hudson's, Finn comes into the kitchen to find Burt there. Finn's snotty and defensive, but Burt puts it out there- he loves Carole, and wants to make her happy, and he knows he can't replace Finn's dad and doesn't want to- "I can’t be your dad, but I will be her hero for as long as she will take me." I can't say enough about Mike O'Malley as Burt, he's AMAZING. Finn realizes that Burt is sincere and hopefully that he's a better fake father than Mr. Schue. They agree to watch the game together, and, in a big step, Finn offers Burt his dad's chair. Burt cements
stopitsomemore's love forever with the following line: "I hate Duke like I hate the Nazis." Meanwhile, Kurt and I are making sadfaces through the window- Fabchiavelli is foiled once more. The Glee club has a surprise for Will! April, who hasn't had a drink in 45 minutes, has managed to get cast in an all-white production of The Wiz. And in other pressing news- Buddy Liebowitz died and his widow gave her 2m in hush money- April bought the auditorium for the Glee kids. Backed by the club, April sings “Home,” from The Wiz, bedazzled out and beautiful.
...
And once again, thanks to American Idol, our DVRs cut out in the final number. Dear American Idol:
You might say,
damngirl, you are tres behind. This is the truth. That is why you should look back here LATER TONIGHT for 1x17, "Bad Reputation."