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fangasmicNow, Internet, if you don't know that Sue Sylvester has a Bee In Her Bonnet, and it is called
You either have been hiding under the world's most SOULLESS AND JOYLESS ROCK, or you're a dick. Just flat out. (Clearly it's the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens at work.)
But say you are going,damngirl, you asshole, we were promised NEW GLEE. NOT YOU STEALING QUOTES FROM JANE LYNCH.
LET IT NOT BE SAID THAT I AM A CHEATER OR SWINDLER. BENEATH LIE SPOILERS FOR GLEE, 1X14, "HELL-O".
We open with our favorite hero with the intelligence of a slow golden retriever- football season is over, and Finn's now captain of the basketball team- finally, something that takes advantage of the fact that he's 6'8 and weights a fucking ton. Or, maybe not, because like knowing you can't get pregnant from a hot tub, Finn fails at basketball, too. He's sort of dating Rachel, who has put her stalker tendencies to more legitimate ends by embarrassing Finn at sporting events with t-shirts that make it look like Finn is a character in Twilight.
I'd apologize for the quality but this ep doesn't even *exist yet*. Shut your ungrateful maws and obsessively watch 40 promo clips like I did, if you want a better shot.
He's depressed because he ain't over his babymama (maybe he should try a push up bra to get her back) and because as you can imagine, dating Rachel is TERRIFYING. (Although he does come up with a great riff on Coach Tanaka "pulling a Jessica Simpson": "He ditched his fiance, gained 40 pounds and stopped showering. And everyone thinks that's normal.")
Meanwhile, Rachel, Mercedes and Kurt are power walking in the hallway, talking about their total upgrade in status--- only to get slushied.
MOTHERFUCKER- OW!
TITLECARD.
Mr. Schuester (from here, the Artist Formerly Known as "Schu") is instructed by Principal Figgins that Glee will be, once more, gone if they don't, this time, win Regionals, despite their winning Sectionals. Of more importance- guess who's back? Back again? THIS IS THE FINAL STOP ON THE SUE SYLVESTER EXPRESS! HORROR!
Sue makes some terrifying allusions to having seduced and slept with Principal Figgins to get reinstated after her suspension- explaining her lack of Boca tan. Fortunately for my sanity, she explains how she got her job back- ROOFALIN. Sue cannily tricks Principal Figgins into thinking they bumped uglies and BOOM, one Award-Winning Cheerleading Coach is Back in the Game. Sue, is, as Sue is. HELL BENT ON DESTRUCTION, MOSTLY OF SCHU'S HAIR. (To be fair, greaseball hair is practically an epidemic these days.)
Rachel, just being Miley, gives Finn the world's most amazing calendar, where they are in pictures, where, I SHIT YOU NOT- THEIR HEDS ARE PASTEDE ON TO CATS YAY. (Finn, always relevant, mentions he's allergic to cats. Read: KURT, YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE DOGS.) In Sue's batcave, she gives Santana and Brittany a mission from God- SEDUCE FINN OR ELSE. (The goal is to break Rachel's heart, thus removing her and all hopes of winning from Glee club, but mostly I think for Sue's amusement.)
Schu pulls Finn aside for a Teachable Moment about FINDING OUT WHO YOU ARE and LIVING THE NOW and SOME OTHER BULLCRAP TEACHERS SAY, but mostly that Finn is, inside, a "ROCK STAR." And Finn believes him, which is another point in the Forrest Gump column, but he goes on to do a rendition of The Doors' Hello, I Love You" that is actually...
Kind of sexy.
Yeah, I know, Surprised? Party of One?
Anyway, Finn gets his groove back, much like Stella, and, in maybe the greatest moment of television, ever, while Finn is sasswhoring it up in the practice room, KURT HAS A MOMENT. My bestie, whom I saw this with, and who you have to thank for this episode recap being in coherent order, because I was busy flailing, characterized it aptly as "barely concealed desire". Quote: "It looked like he was going to leap out of his chair. Like, I imagine that scene in Mean Girls, except not fighting." (I would also like to submit, equal only to another moment later on, this got the biggest laugh. FINN/KURT IS THE ZEITGEIST MAN, WE KNOW HOW RYAN MURPHY LOVES A ZEITGEIST, LETS DO THIS.)
That being said.
On their Missio Dei, Santana and Brittany Lesbian Seduce (Lesduce?) Finn into a date with both of them. Finn, in true man fashion just hears this, over and over again as he says YES.
Meanwhile, back on the Irony Ranch, Rachel is like BLAH BLAH WE'RE SO GREAT BLAH BLAH DRAMA BLAH BLAH I'LL ALWAYS BE HONEST HOW BOUT YOU?? And Finn's like, "Yeah, about that. Lets break up." She rips him A NEW ONE- and she's right- Finn's still worried about his social status- to the point where he's willing to discard Rachel because he doesn't seem to notice that she gets him, more than anyone else. Finn is obviously rattled, but really, still more interested in his Cheerios! sandwich date.
Rachel's new calendar theme.
However, she zips through the Stages of Grief straight to "angrily drag our interpersonal issues into our extracurricular activities", so she sings The All-American Rejects' "Gives You Hell," a vicious and AWESOME take-off on Shu's assignment to find them a "hello" song. Notably, Mike (Harry Shum of the League of Extraordinary Dancers and those iPod commercials) busts some sweet moves. However, despite the fact that it was rockin', Schu yells at them to take this shit seriously, because it's time to buckle down to kick Vocal Adrenaline's ass.
At this point, like we're watching Titanic on VHS or something, they switch discs... and something wacky happens. Logically, I know that Finn goes on his date with Brittany and Santana, and according to the apologetic screening runners who I accosted after the end of the ep, the scene had to have been less than a minute long, and having seen a few clips, I feel like I have it mostly covered- but I didn't actually get to see this scene.
They go to a restaurant, where B and Santana talk about a) the cute boys at school, mentioning that Puck is first, Finn is cute, but, ehh- whereupon it pans across the table to Finn going I'M RIGHT HERE, GUYS, b) Rachel's sweaters make her look home-schooled (direct quote), and that c) the scene ends with Brittany turning to Santana and going "Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?" TRUE LIFE, I LOVE BRITTANY.
IT'S A FACT. GO AHEAD. GOOGLE 'AMAZONIAN RIVER DOLPHINS ARE GAY'. I'M NOT KIDDING.
Elsewhere, at Chez Schuester, Will and Emma are having an adorable date of preciousness- dancing to Neil Diamond's "Hello Again," only for it to get hot and heavy and NOT A SPOILER- EMMA'S A VIRGIN. People who didn't see that one coming, go sit in the shame corner. Schu is sort of perturbed, but because he is a Good Guy, immediately smiles that JTimberlake smile, backs off and puts in a movie for them to watch. Aw. (Yeah, hold that thought.)
BUT! As every musical theater dweeb with a link to IMDB has been waiting with bated breath- their vigilance is paid off: ENTER JON GROFF. (Nerds like me who wrote term papers on Spring Awakening will recognize Jon as Lea Michele's (Rachel's) co-star from the show, and her real-life bestie.) He's Jesse St. James- lead singer of Vocal Adrenaline and HITTING ON RACHEL WITH A TWO BY FOUR IN A LIBRARY, FOR SHAME. He peer pressures Rachel into singing Lionel Ritchie's "Hello," for the enjoyment of the LIBRARY PATRONS (seriously, I was so amazed that at the end of the number, no one came over and was like "HELLO SHUT UP YOU'RE IN A LIBRARY")- but it's not as trite or terrifying as "Hello" usually is- and Jon Groff and Lea Michele together is LIKE BUTTAH. Also, you just take it for granted that okay, yeah, Jesse is playing the piano, we're just hearing mystery other instruments and- slow pan to the right- NO THERE ARE LIKE A DRUM AND AND VIOLIN AND A EGG SHAKER, WTF. (Second biggest laugh of the night.)
So, that charmer rolls his patrol, and the next day, when Finn (in a work of major brain for him) tells Rachel that he was wrong, she's his lobster, whatever, he wants to date again, she blows him off like yesterday's Grammy nominees. When she name drops Jesse, Finn is like "ULTERIOR MOTIVES MUCH?!" and she's like "THANKS FOR THE IMPLICATION THAT NO ONE COULD ACTUALLY LIKE ME FOR ME." And- rightly- storms off. Finn, because he's a tattle-tale and a daddy-figure's boy, runs off to tell Schu. Which leaves Will only one course of action:
Go to yell at OMFG IDINA MENZEL. (Who is Idina Menzel? KILL YOURSELF.) Vocal Adrenaline does a- frankly- unimpressive rendition of AC/DC's "Highway to Hell". Or maybe I was just unimpressed because I was staring at their WRETCHED COSTUMES. Anyway, Schu is like I SUSPECT YOUR MOTIVES! and she's like HAHAHA, BITCH PLEASE, and fabulous (except her top makes Kurt die inside). She flat out denies it- says the "heart wants what the heart wants" and--
ALS;KDFAKDLAFJASKDL;FA
DID
SHE AND WILL MAKE OUT IN HIS APARTMENT. WILL, YOU IGNORANT SLUT.
He stops it before it gets very far and explains the whole I-was-married-but-now-I'm-not-but-I'm-not-divorced-but-I'm-seeing-someone-but-I-made-out-with-you thing, and she is like ... GIRL YOU ARE A HOT MESS. CALL ME WHEN YOU GOT YOUR SHIT IN ORDER.
Meaaaanwhile, Sue debriefs Brittany and Santana after their fail date with Finn, but upon hearing about Jesse, decides to drive some wedges like Elin Woods.
Glee club throws an Intervention, much like the Gayvention earlier in the season. Tina, Kurt and Mercedes corner Rachel, Kurt flat out telling Rachel Jesse is using her- and Mercedes lays down the law- Glee club won't be betrayed again- break up with Jesse, or she's out of Glee. Rachel knows where her bread is buttered, so after trying to argue her way out of it, accepts their rule and agrees to break up. (Also, what the shit is it with Mercedes and terrible romantic advice? See Exhibit A, "Ballad.")
Schemey, delicious Sue instead steals Rachel away-- TO THE OLD MAIDS' CLUB. Sue has gathered the most trag women of McKinley High-- all as sad warnings to Rachel- despite the pressure of your friends, DATE THE CRAP OUT OF THE DUDE- YOU MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE AT LOVE. (No, really, multiple "Old Maids" admit that their Fridays are now filled with "making out with cats and watching Ghost Whisperer." NOT MAKING THIS UP.) To say Rachel is concerned is an understatement. (FINN IS ALLERGIC TO CATS, YOU KNOW.)
Emma is setting up the most lovely and neurotic dinner for Will as a surprise on date night, when- UNEXPECTED TERRI IS UNEXPECTED! The usual catfighting (see Mean Girls clip above) occurs- Terri is just over to get her DVDs- but BUN BUN BAAAAHH- the Jazz Singer DVD means Will and Emma are fucked! Wait- what? Terri explains that "Hello Again," that romantic song Will said was so them was Terri and Will's Junior Prom song. Check in out in the Thunderclap. He might not remember it, but it's subconscious. (Schu is a SLEEPER AGENT OF ROMANCE WAITING TO BE TRIGGERED BY FOLK MUSIC.) Emma is adorable, immaculately dressed and crushed.
Rachel goes to Jesse and demandsthe satisfaction of a gentleman to know if his intentions are noble- he teases her (sort of adorably- "You're a bigger drama queen than I am.") and assures her they are. They kiss, passionately- BUT! (BUN BUN BAAAAHH) Over Rachel's shoulder, Jesse sees Coach Menzel gives him the nod of YEAH BOY. GET THAT. MISSIO DEI.
ULTERIOR MOTIVES SEEM TO BE ULTERIOR, INDEED.
The next day, Will asks where the magical elf who set up the dinner for two and skeddadled went, and Emma Thunderclaps the truth out- it was Terri and Will's song. She lets him down easy- telling him he needs time alone to figure out who he is, not who he is with Terri or who he is with Emma. It's the very same conclusion he came to after making out with Coach Menzel- and he's obviously loathe to hurt Emma, but clearly so relieved at the same time. At her request, he leaves her alone to cry in her office. (TURN ON THE CELINE, EM. CRY IT OUT.)
Rachel reports back to Finn that she broke it off with Jesse (FIBBER), and Finn happily shows her the dates he circled on her psychotic cat-faces calendar of love, but she turns him down- citing that she's taking one for the team not dating Jesse- out of respect for team dynamic, she can't date Finn either. Finn- with his new, strangely-alluring, rock star confidence, tells her he's not going to give up on her so easily- he's going to be the one chasing after her for a change. (I may have swooned. A SMIDGE, THAT'S ALL.)
It immediately cuts to The Beatles' "Hello, Goodbye," done in cute, unified black and white (which worked for them nicely before in "Throwdown"), although that may be my preference for Mark Salling (aka Noah "Your Arms Are Lovely" Puckerman) in a slick 60's style suit talking. Finn is pursuing Rachel the way she likes best- through song, and the weaving choreography makes it clear that he's made up his mind on getting her back- by the end of the song, when he puts his arm around her, she's visibly rattled, almost forgetting a move, and barely seconds after the number (directed by Schu in the auditorium and silently and sadly observed by Emma, in the balcony) darts off-stage, over-wrought.
FIN.
IT WAS GOOD FOR ME, WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU? (My condolences to all those who it will be good for in just under a week's time. But at least now you know what you have to look forward to!)
Also- we were given free mini-posters as part of our ticket fee- which I might add, went to the Grammy Foundation and Grammy in Schools programs (<3, Glee.):
Yes, now you know I have pale slate walls. And also that I call my paint color "Pale Slate".
Double Also: Mad props to Danielle Bruno, Writer/Editor of What Would Emma Pillsbury Wear, who was handing out tres adorable business cards for her site- and for rocking the sweater guard- although it lead to me having about 40 tabs open on Etsy and breaking up an Editorial Meeting to go "GUYS LOOK THIS ONE HAS PEARLS" many, many times.
You either have been hiding under the world's most SOULLESS AND JOYLESS ROCK, or you're a dick. Just flat out. (Clearly it's the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens at work.)
But say you are going,
damngirl, you asshole, we were promised NEW GLEE. NOT YOU STEALING QUOTES FROM JANE LYNCH.LET IT NOT BE SAID THAT I AM A CHEATER OR SWINDLER. BENEATH LIE SPOILERS FOR GLEE, 1X14, "HELL-O".
We open with our favorite hero with the intelligence of a slow golden retriever- football season is over, and Finn's now captain of the basketball team- finally, something that takes advantage of the fact that he's 6'8 and weights a fucking ton. Or, maybe not, because like knowing you can't get pregnant from a hot tub, Finn fails at basketball, too. He's sort of dating Rachel, who has put her stalker tendencies to more legitimate ends by embarrassing Finn at sporting events with t-shirts that make it look like Finn is a character in Twilight.
I'd apologize for the quality but this ep doesn't even *exist yet*. Shut your ungrateful maws and obsessively watch 40 promo clips like I did, if you want a better shot.
He's depressed because he ain't over his babymama (maybe he should try a push up bra to get her back) and because as you can imagine, dating Rachel is TERRIFYING. (Although he does come up with a great riff on Coach Tanaka "pulling a Jessica Simpson": "He ditched his fiance, gained 40 pounds and stopped showering. And everyone thinks that's normal.")
Meanwhile, Rachel, Mercedes and Kurt are power walking in the hallway, talking about their total upgrade in status--- only to get slushied.
MOTHERFUCKER- OW!
TITLECARD.
Mr. Schuester (from here, the Artist Formerly Known as "Schu") is instructed by Principal Figgins that Glee will be, once more, gone if they don't, this time, win Regionals, despite their winning Sectionals. Of more importance- guess who's back? Back again? THIS IS THE FINAL STOP ON THE SUE SYLVESTER EXPRESS! HORROR!
Sue makes some terrifying allusions to having seduced and slept with Principal Figgins to get reinstated after her suspension- explaining her lack of Boca tan. Fortunately for my sanity, she explains how she got her job back- ROOFALIN. Sue cannily tricks Principal Figgins into thinking they bumped uglies and BOOM, one Award-Winning Cheerleading Coach is Back in the Game. Sue, is, as Sue is. HELL BENT ON DESTRUCTION, MOSTLY OF SCHU'S HAIR. (To be fair, greaseball hair is practically an epidemic these days.)
Rachel, just being Miley, gives Finn the world's most amazing calendar, where they are in pictures, where, I SHIT YOU NOT- THEIR HEDS ARE PASTEDE ON TO CATS YAY. (Finn, always relevant, mentions he's allergic to cats. Read: KURT, YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE DOGS.) In Sue's batcave, she gives Santana and Brittany a mission from God- SEDUCE FINN OR ELSE. (The goal is to break Rachel's heart, thus removing her and all hopes of winning from Glee club, but mostly I think for Sue's amusement.)
Schu pulls Finn aside for a Teachable Moment about FINDING OUT WHO YOU ARE and LIVING THE NOW and SOME OTHER BULLCRAP TEACHERS SAY, but mostly that Finn is, inside, a "ROCK STAR." And Finn believes him, which is another point in the Forrest Gump column, but he goes on to do a rendition of The Doors' Hello, I Love You" that is actually...
Kind of sexy.
Yeah, I know, Surprised? Party of One?
Anyway, Finn gets his groove back, much like Stella, and, in maybe the greatest moment of television, ever, while Finn is sasswhoring it up in the practice room, KURT HAS A MOMENT. My bestie, whom I saw this with, and who you have to thank for this episode recap being in coherent order, because I was busy flailing, characterized it aptly as "barely concealed desire". Quote: "It looked like he was going to leap out of his chair. Like, I imagine that scene in Mean Girls, except not fighting." (I would also like to submit, equal only to another moment later on, this got the biggest laugh. FINN/KURT IS THE ZEITGEIST MAN, WE KNOW HOW RYAN MURPHY LOVES A ZEITGEIST, LETS DO THIS.)
That being said.
On their Missio Dei, Santana and Brittany Lesbian Seduce (Lesduce?) Finn into a date with both of them. Finn, in true man fashion just hears this, over and over again as he says YES.
Meanwhile, back on the Irony Ranch, Rachel is like BLAH BLAH WE'RE SO GREAT BLAH BLAH DRAMA BLAH BLAH I'LL ALWAYS BE HONEST HOW BOUT YOU?? And Finn's like, "Yeah, about that. Lets break up." She rips him A NEW ONE- and she's right- Finn's still worried about his social status- to the point where he's willing to discard Rachel because he doesn't seem to notice that she gets him, more than anyone else. Finn is obviously rattled, but really, still more interested in his Cheerios! sandwich date.
Rachel's new calendar theme.
However, she zips through the Stages of Grief straight to "angrily drag our interpersonal issues into our extracurricular activities", so she sings The All-American Rejects' "Gives You Hell," a vicious and AWESOME take-off on Shu's assignment to find them a "hello" song. Notably, Mike (Harry Shum of the League of Extraordinary Dancers and those iPod commercials) busts some sweet moves. However, despite the fact that it was rockin', Schu yells at them to take this shit seriously, because it's time to buckle down to kick Vocal Adrenaline's ass.
At this point, like we're watching Titanic on VHS or something, they switch discs... and something wacky happens. Logically, I know that Finn goes on his date with Brittany and Santana, and according to the apologetic screening runners who I accosted after the end of the ep, the scene had to have been less than a minute long, and having seen a few clips, I feel like I have it mostly covered- but I didn't actually get to see this scene.
They go to a restaurant, where B and Santana talk about a) the cute boys at school, mentioning that Puck is first, Finn is cute, but, ehh- whereupon it pans across the table to Finn going I'M RIGHT HERE, GUYS, b) Rachel's sweaters make her look home-schooled (direct quote), and that c) the scene ends with Brittany turning to Santana and going "Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?" TRUE LIFE, I LOVE BRITTANY.
IT'S A FACT. GO AHEAD. GOOGLE 'AMAZONIAN RIVER DOLPHINS ARE GAY'. I'M NOT KIDDING.
Elsewhere, at Chez Schuester, Will and Emma are having an adorable date of preciousness- dancing to Neil Diamond's "Hello Again," only for it to get hot and heavy and NOT A SPOILER- EMMA'S A VIRGIN. People who didn't see that one coming, go sit in the shame corner. Schu is sort of perturbed, but because he is a Good Guy, immediately smiles that JTimberlake smile, backs off and puts in a movie for them to watch. Aw. (Yeah, hold that thought.)
BUT! As every musical theater dweeb with a link to IMDB has been waiting with bated breath- their vigilance is paid off: ENTER JON GROFF. (Nerds like me who wrote term papers on Spring Awakening will recognize Jon as Lea Michele's (Rachel's) co-star from the show, and her real-life bestie.) He's Jesse St. James- lead singer of Vocal Adrenaline and HITTING ON RACHEL WITH A TWO BY FOUR IN A LIBRARY, FOR SHAME. He peer pressures Rachel into singing Lionel Ritchie's "Hello," for the enjoyment of the LIBRARY PATRONS (seriously, I was so amazed that at the end of the number, no one came over and was like "HELLO SHUT UP YOU'RE IN A LIBRARY")- but it's not as trite or terrifying as "Hello" usually is- and Jon Groff and Lea Michele together is LIKE BUTTAH. Also, you just take it for granted that okay, yeah, Jesse is playing the piano, we're just hearing mystery other instruments and- slow pan to the right- NO THERE ARE LIKE A DRUM AND AND VIOLIN AND A EGG SHAKER, WTF. (Second biggest laugh of the night.)
So, that charmer rolls his patrol, and the next day, when Finn (in a work of major brain for him) tells Rachel that he was wrong, she's his lobster, whatever, he wants to date again, she blows him off like yesterday's Grammy nominees. When she name drops Jesse, Finn is like "ULTERIOR MOTIVES MUCH?!" and she's like "THANKS FOR THE IMPLICATION THAT NO ONE COULD ACTUALLY LIKE ME FOR ME." And- rightly- storms off. Finn, because he's a tattle-tale and a daddy-figure's boy, runs off to tell Schu. Which leaves Will only one course of action:
Go to yell at OMFG IDINA MENZEL. (Who is Idina Menzel? KILL YOURSELF.) Vocal Adrenaline does a- frankly- unimpressive rendition of AC/DC's "Highway to Hell". Or maybe I was just unimpressed because I was staring at their WRETCHED COSTUMES. Anyway, Schu is like I SUSPECT YOUR MOTIVES! and she's like HAHAHA, BITCH PLEASE, and fabulous (except her top makes Kurt die inside). She flat out denies it- says the "heart wants what the heart wants" and--
ALS;KDFAKDLAFJASKDL;FA
DID
SHE AND WILL MAKE OUT IN HIS APARTMENT. WILL, YOU IGNORANT SLUT.
He stops it before it gets very far and explains the whole I-was-married-but-now-I'm-not-but-I'm-not-divorced-but-I'm-seeing-someone-but-I-made-out-with-you thing, and she is like ... GIRL YOU ARE A HOT MESS. CALL ME WHEN YOU GOT YOUR SHIT IN ORDER.
Meaaaanwhile, Sue debriefs Brittany and Santana after their fail date with Finn, but upon hearing about Jesse, decides to drive some wedges like Elin Woods.
Glee club throws an Intervention, much like the Gayvention earlier in the season. Tina, Kurt and Mercedes corner Rachel, Kurt flat out telling Rachel Jesse is using her- and Mercedes lays down the law- Glee club won't be betrayed again- break up with Jesse, or she's out of Glee. Rachel knows where her bread is buttered, so after trying to argue her way out of it, accepts their rule and agrees to break up. (Also, what the shit is it with Mercedes and terrible romantic advice? See Exhibit A, "Ballad.")
Schemey, delicious Sue instead steals Rachel away-- TO THE OLD MAIDS' CLUB. Sue has gathered the most trag women of McKinley High-- all as sad warnings to Rachel- despite the pressure of your friends, DATE THE CRAP OUT OF THE DUDE- YOU MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE AT LOVE. (No, really, multiple "Old Maids" admit that their Fridays are now filled with "making out with cats and watching Ghost Whisperer." NOT MAKING THIS UP.) To say Rachel is concerned is an understatement. (FINN IS ALLERGIC TO CATS, YOU KNOW.)
Emma is setting up the most lovely and neurotic dinner for Will as a surprise on date night, when- UNEXPECTED TERRI IS UNEXPECTED! The usual catfighting (see Mean Girls clip above) occurs- Terri is just over to get her DVDs- but BUN BUN BAAAAHH- the Jazz Singer DVD means Will and Emma are fucked! Wait- what? Terri explains that "Hello Again," that romantic song Will said was so them was Terri and Will's Junior Prom song. Check in out in the Thunderclap. He might not remember it, but it's subconscious. (Schu is a SLEEPER AGENT OF ROMANCE WAITING TO BE TRIGGERED BY FOLK MUSIC.) Emma is adorable, immaculately dressed and crushed.
Rachel goes to Jesse and demands
ULTERIOR MOTIVES SEEM TO BE ULTERIOR, INDEED.
The next day, Will asks where the magical elf who set up the dinner for two and skeddadled went, and Emma Thunderclaps the truth out- it was Terri and Will's song. She lets him down easy- telling him he needs time alone to figure out who he is, not who he is with Terri or who he is with Emma. It's the very same conclusion he came to after making out with Coach Menzel- and he's obviously loathe to hurt Emma, but clearly so relieved at the same time. At her request, he leaves her alone to cry in her office. (TURN ON THE CELINE, EM. CRY IT OUT.)
Rachel reports back to Finn that she broke it off with Jesse (FIBBER), and Finn happily shows her the dates he circled on her psychotic cat-faces calendar of love, but she turns him down- citing that she's taking one for the team not dating Jesse- out of respect for team dynamic, she can't date Finn either. Finn- with his new, strangely-alluring, rock star confidence, tells her he's not going to give up on her so easily- he's going to be the one chasing after her for a change. (I may have swooned. A SMIDGE, THAT'S ALL.)
It immediately cuts to The Beatles' "Hello, Goodbye," done in cute, unified black and white (which worked for them nicely before in "Throwdown"), although that may be my preference for Mark Salling (aka Noah "Your Arms Are Lovely" Puckerman) in a slick 60's style suit talking. Finn is pursuing Rachel the way she likes best- through song, and the weaving choreography makes it clear that he's made up his mind on getting her back- by the end of the song, when he puts his arm around her, she's visibly rattled, almost forgetting a move, and barely seconds after the number (directed by Schu in the auditorium and silently and sadly observed by Emma, in the balcony) darts off-stage, over-wrought.
FIN.
IT WAS GOOD FOR ME, WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU? (My condolences to all those who it will be good for in just under a week's time. But at least now you know what you have to look forward to!)
Also- we were given free mini-posters as part of our ticket fee- which I might add, went to the Grammy Foundation and Grammy in Schools programs (<3, Glee.):
Yes, now you know I have pale slate walls. And also that I call my paint color "Pale Slate".
Double Also: Mad props to Danielle Bruno, Writer/Editor of What Would Emma Pillsbury Wear, who was handing out tres adorable business cards for her site- and for rocking the sweater guard- although it lead to me having about 40 tabs open on Etsy and breaking up an Editorial Meeting to go "GUYS LOOK THIS ONE HAS PEARLS" many, many times.