[reaction post] Doctor Who 5x01: The Eleventh Hour

[thatneedslube]

You might remember whyareyoulikethis and me from such posts as that one where we told you how much we hate Matt Smith (for a variety of totally shallow and legit reasons, I assure you) and stopitsomemore making fun of us with her bedamned pre-Doctor Who season 5 Matt Smith positive space or whatever the fuck that was.

I even had this conversation with stopitsomemore the day before:
thatneedslube: I saw the Doctor Who posts, ps I have the episode but haven't watched it yet
thatneedslube: so worried. what if I like it? I'll be so ashamed
stopitsomemore: if you do
thatneedslube: But if I hate it still, I'll feel so vindicated
stopitsomemore: you are obligated to post about it
stopitsomemore: you realize that
thatneedslube: yeah, that hurts me inside

Fear not, guys. whyareyoulikethis and I watched 5x01 at 9PM on a Sunday (Can you say "mistake"?) and have compiled our amazing live blog for your entertainment. I believe it is more well-balanced than expected, which probably means not at all.

whyareyoulikethis: aw, yay, TARDIS i did miss you.
thatneedslube: But for a TARDIS that loves him even it seems pissed
whyareyoulikethis: HOW IS HE FALLING OUT OF THE TARDIS? LIKE SO MUCH FAIL
thatneedslube: so. much. this is the tardis saying "OH, HELLS NO"

thatneedslube: whoa, new opening theme??
whyareyoulikethis: haha, he almost lost his timelord dong on big ben. yeah, i think so.
thatneedslube: classy
whyareyoulikethis: new fonts! new logo!
thatneedslube: it looks silly until it turns into the TARDIS
whyareyoulikethis: so weird!
thatneedslube: the classic creepy swing set at night

You can tell the new HBIC wrote Blink because this shit is straight out of Supernatural.

whyareyoulikethis: yep. this house looks like Miss Honey's from Matilda.
thatneedslube: totally god, this feels like Supernatural
whyareyoulikethis: ditto. something terrible is going to happen.
thatneedslube: yep
whyareyoulikethis: oh right, it's Matt Smith showing up.
thatneedslube: omg she just put her prayer on hold

That's how you know this little girl is (potentially) badass. Also because she is praying to Santa.

whyareyoulikethis: cute.
whyareyoulikethis: HE BROKE THE TARDIS.
thatneedslube: fucker
whyareyoulikethis: like, there's a heavy handed symbol of BYE RTD.
thatneedslube: WHAT WILL YOU BREAK NEXT, MATT SMITH

Just my heart, because people keep calling him The Doctor and he's not. GIVE IT UP.

whyareyoulikethis: this does feel like a classic sci fi aliens land set up. heee, there's a swimming pool in there.
thatneedslube: Mm, swimming pool library
whyareyoulikethis: hahaha i got a lot of enjoyment from him running into a tree.
thatneedslube: I wonder what happened to his collar
whyareyoulikethis: yeah, idk.
thatneedslube: ditto
whyareyoulikethis: christ, bossing children around. spitting food out. he's a terrible houseguest.
thatneedslube: what a pedo
whyareyoulikethis: hahaha this is just- i dunno, such an interesting introduction.
thatneedslube: this is 7 minutes of wtfery
whyareyoulikethis: it's like quirky and funny and i don't know what the point is.
thatneedslube: yeah I guess this is his transition? It's a weird one
whyareyoulikethis: yeah. OMG CHILD YOU'RE ALONE IN THE HOUSE WITH AN ALIEN PEDO.

Also who picked out this tie? Way to put something terrible on top of something even more terrible

thatneedslube: ALIEN PEEEEDOOOOOO
whyareyoulikethis: aaahh. i keep getting terror-flashbacks to Blink.
thatneedslube: FUCK what is with that creepster apple. is this a good idea, Matt Smith?

This could easily be the main enemy for series 5. Other than Matt Smith, obvs.

whyareyoulikethis: probs not, methinks. he totally has Harry Potter hair.

thatneedslube: kind of, yeah well that was weird he looks so... like his skeleton is pushing outside his face
whyareyoulikethis: yeah. i'm super distracted.
thatneedslube: no, no, you don't look like people
whyareyoulikethis: YOU DON'T
thatneedslube: you look NON HUMAN kid, don't be happy
whyareyoulikethis: man, library swimming pool. still awesome.
thatneedslube: you're alone with prisoner zero, and matt smith is coming back in five minutes. I'd be worried
whyareyoulikethis: hahaha trufax.
thatneedslube: oh shit
whyareyoulikethis: oh god, she's packing a suitcase. this is so trag. AHHH
thatneedslube: like Donna did
whyareyoulikethis: (DONNA)
thatneedslube: (DONNA) fuck she's going to wait forever
whyareyoulikethis: damn, this kid is SOL. at least she's out of her house.
thatneedslube: I guess? ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN
whyareyoulikethis: oh dear.
thatneedslube: fuuuuuuck
whyareyoulikethis: Eleven vs Umbrella, Umbrella pwns.
thatneedslube: I thought it was a cricket batt
whyareyoulikethis: oh, maybe.
thatneedslube: Well this is not cool
whyareyoulikethis: this is so subtly creepy.
thatneedslube: oh hey, it's aunt whoever
whyareyoulikethis: oooh. she's hot. /shallow
thatneedslube: Hahaha She's pretty cute. nice gams, officer!

That's hot.

whyareyoulikethis: it IS AMELIA I BET. oh nm.
thatneedslube: cute dog!
whyareyoulikethis: yeah!
thatneedslube: hell yes it is

I'd hug that.

whyareyoulikethis: hahaha
thatneedslube: This guy should have been the companion he's not bad looking

whyareyoulikethis: AGREED maybe it's the Americanness in me, but in the uniform she looks like a sexy cop stripper.
thatneedslube: yeah ditto Maybe English police are just sexy
whyareyoulikethis: maybe!
thatneedslube: fuck, lady, I know it's matt smith, but you should probably unlock him
whyareyoulikethis: hahahaha YOU DO HAVE A FACE
thatneedslube: ewwww
whyareyoulikethis: OH
thatneedslube: oh fuuuuuck
whyareyoulikethis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH CRAP CGI SNAKE

thatneedslube: HA
whyareyoulikethis: YESSSSSSSSSSS
thatneedslube: SHE REALLY IS NOT A POLICE OFFICER
whyareyoulikethis: I WAS RIGHT
thatneedslube: kiss-o-gram, that's amazing
whyareyoulikethis: THE STOCKINGS.
thatneedslube: the sexiness!
thatneedslube: such a cute doooog. it doesn't want to work, Matt Smith, because you keep breaking them
whyareyoulikethis: hahahaha IT KNOWS
thatneedslube: YES
whyareyoulikethis: IT IS AMELIA. I KNEW IT I'M SUCH A GENIUS.
thatneedslube: AMAZING
whyareyoulikethis: aww.
whyareyoulikethis: hahahaha. i like Amelia. AHHHHH STOP MAKING THAT FACE IT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE.

Give us a kiss, then.

thatneedslube: yeah, honestly
whyareyoulikethis: aw, i do rather like the fairy tale set up of Amelia and the Doctor. in that platonic/besties Doctor Who companion way.
thatneedslube: oh god it's like my nightmare - giant eyeballs, eyeballs everywhere

whyareyoulikethis: I KNOW aw, sorry bb. woah.
thatneedslube: oh, him I was going to say why is that girl in a phone booth if she has a cellphone
whyareyoulikethis: hahahahaha good point. wow. that was pretty awesome.
thatneedslube: go amelia. his entire head bothers me
whyareyoulikethis: yeah. he's like the Peter Pan to her skeptical Wendy.
thatneedslube: Except like, not sexy at all
whyareyoulikethis: well yeah.
thatneedslube: hahaha lady in scooter
whyareyoulikethis: he seems to be, so far, really good at two things a) eyefucking random people and b) keeping his big head propped up. STOP BREAKING EVERYTHING
thatneedslube: HONESTLY
whyareyoulikethis: i will say this so far in Eleven's favor: Rory is already > Mickey. (have i ever mentioned my irrational hatred of Mickey?)
thatneedslube: Yeah, but that's not hard MICKEY KIND OF SUCKED HARD
whyareyoulikethis: HE DID. MARTHA DESERVED SOMEONE MORE AWESOME ALSO
thatneedslube: like, why is DW incapable of writing black people?
whyareyoulikethis: idk
thatneedslube: Why didn't he just call UNIT?
whyareyoulikethis: ...huh.no idea.
thatneedslube: other than the part where UNIT is kind of aggressive at least they know who he is

These people don't know who you are. Or care. Call UNIT, it's probably toll free.

whyareyoulikethis: right even the new him.
thatneedslube: yeah all he has to say is "I'm the Doctor". Ah, Jeff
whyareyoulikethis: oh, jeff,
thatneedslube: nice guns
whyareyoulikethis: hahaha
thatneedslube: that is a gunshow shirt
whyareyoulikethis: totally. wheee fire truck!
thatneedslube: He is just excited to be driving a fire truck but Ten would have been more excited
whyareyoulikethis: true AHHH CREEPY
thatneedslube: fuuuuuck!
whyareyoulikethis: ugh, pedo aliens all over the place.
thatneedslube: everywhere, all I can think of is her masturbating now
whyareyoulikethis: hahahaha CEILING CAT
thatneedslube: TOTES
whyareyoulikethis: CEILING ALIEN aw, it was him

thatneedslube: and then after the silence hopefully we will get a new doctor. oh cool, zero hour
whyareyoulikethis: i wish yeah
thatneedslube: GIANT FUCKING EYEBALL IN THE SKY
whyareyoulikethis: CREEPY
thatneedslube: photos. photos!
whyareyoulikethis: hahaha, fail.
thatneedslube: good, yes, please never say that again. oh shits
whyareyoulikethis: oh noooooo aww
thatneedslube: oh yeah I forgot about her accent
whyareyoulikethis: yeah
thatneedslube: so her secret ability as a companion is...sleeping?
whyareyoulikethis: woo?

Things I don't ever want to wake up to:
Matt Smith, up in my face.
Matt Smith, holding my face.
Giant snake alien prison escapee
Matt Smith

thatneedslube: I mean she's very pretty but now I'm worried. Rose made friends with strangers, Donna was a sekrit Doctor, Martha was a real doctor, and Amelia... sleeps
whyareyoulikethis: yeah. womp. i mean the bit with the car and the tie was pretty cool. ooh, they're in trouble.
thatneedslube: yeah maybe she is a costume master
whyareyoulikethis: hahaha disguises!
thatneedslube: but all companions have to put on disguises.
thatneedslube: stop getting naked! No one wants to see you naked!

Except maybe that weirdo in stopitsomemore's post-secret post or whatever. But we all know that girl is clinically insane. Possibly much like Amelia, since she watched this whole naked business intentionally. And me, for posting this horrible image.

whyareyoulikethis: i really don't want him to take his clothes off.
thatneedslube: ewwww. three ties?
whyareyoulikethis: yeah, idk oh god, bowtie. please not a bowtie. please not a bowtie.
thatneedslube: euuuugh you know it's coming like a big terrible fail
whyareyoulikethis: i do! but! awwww ALL OF THEM
thatneedslube: I looooove those Doctors

WHY WOULD YOU RUIN THIS LINE UP, BBC. WHY.

whyareyoulikethis: and then HIM UGHHH BOWTIE
thatneedslube: he looks like an 80 year old English professor
whyareyoulikethis: yep i mean, i've said it before, but: pedo.

Matt Smith: Hello. I'm The Doctor.
thatneedslube: No you're not.

thatneedslube: pedo all the way. shit if the inside is remodelled-
whyareyoulikethis: yeah it's going to be. i bet
thatneedslube: show us so I can berate you!
whyareyoulikethis: SRS WHAT
thatneedslube: well my file says there are still like 7-10 minutes left
whyareyoulikethis: yeah ditto
thatneedslube: sad young amelia

whyareyoulikethis: yeah. i wonder if he's going to be the only one to call her amelia instead of amy.
thatneedslube: Amelia is a way better name
whyareyoulikethis: totes i hope she punches him in the face.
thatneedslube: ditto
whyareyoulikethis: THEY ARE NOT COOL
thatneedslube: HE PROBABLY HAS ROOFIES, AMELIA, SAY NO

whyareyoulikethis: NO
thatneedslube: two years!
whyareyoulikethis: haha
thatneedslube: stop abusing the tardis!~
whyareyoulikethis: PETER PAN.
thatneedslube: Only 10 should be able to snap-open the doors!
whyareyoulikethis: hahaha AGREED
thatneedslube: he made it look like a BFD OF SCARINESS
whyareyoulikethis: TOTALLY
thatneedslube: you make it some pickup line!
whyareyoulikethis: heheh, let me show you my TARDIS.
thatneedslube: Okay, the inside actually looks okay
whyareyoulikethis: yeah. diff, but not too diff.
thatneedslube: too bad about this douchebag
whyareyoulikethis: hahaha PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE it's kind of steampunky. the inside.
thatneedslube: PUNCH HIM IN THE NUTS
whyareyoulikethis: HE'S LONELY. LIKE A PEDO IS LONELY FOR TINY CHILDREN.
thatneedslube: YES. DO NOT VISIT HIS RANCH. look at that giant glass penis go
whyareyoulikethis: hahahahaha wtf is thtat supposed to be.
thatneedslube: ew her creepy dolls ...that better not be a wedding ----
whyareyoulikethis: yeah he's a pedo she's a creeper they're clearly MFEO.
thatneedslube: whaaaaaaat
whyareyoulikethis: poor rory.
thatneedslube: indeed
whyareyoulikethis: he just got blown off something awful.
thatneedslube: totes. he's her one night stand
whyareyoulikethis: interesting twist.
thatneedslube: always the cybermen, ho---DALEKS WHAT
whyareyoulikethis: WHAT
thatneedslube: oh wait this is the series preview
whyareyoulikethis: AAAAAAAAAAAH THE BLINK ANGEL
thatneedslube: that thing is fucking terrifying why did we watch this at night?
whyareyoulikethis: idk.. woah, there's a van gogh episode. that's wretch.
thatneedslube: I worry, dude, I worry hard
whyareyoulikethis: FUCKING BLINK ANGELS ARE ALREADY SCARING ME.
thatneedslube: Yeah There are statues everywhere near my work

Round-up time! In summary:

whyareyoulikethis: anyway, i will admit to enjoying the writing and amelia.
thatneedslube: the writing is good, Amelia is decent. Matt Smith is still lame
whyareyoulikethis: yeah, i'm still trying to get a handle on his performance, we'll see.
thatneedslube: I'm willing to watch more, I just am not feeling it really
whyareyoulikethis: ditto
thatneedslube: which is kind of a relief since everyone I know was like  OMFG I LOVE IT
whyareyoulikethis: yeah. i didn't LOVE it, but i liked it overall.
thatneedslube: Yeah That sums it up pretty well for me

ETA:
damngirl: i see this and i see this.
stopitsomemore: SCREAMS LAUGHING