thatneedslube: (bones-sistahs)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
You asked, and now you're receiving it, hard, fangasmic fans. Check out our new So Delicious, So Terrible tumblr account and submit your favorites.
stopitsomemore: (Default)
[personal profile] stopitsomemore
Yes? You're so tweaking after days of off and on days of DDOS attacks on Livejournal that you'll read anything? Good, read this open letter I am writing to you, Fandom.

Fandom, I know that a lot of us gravitate toward you in order to find balance in the annoyingly normish pallor of everyday life, but let it just be said here and now, this is not the way to do it:



This? This right here? This is not the right kind of attention you want to be drawing to yourself.


There are a couple of reasons this is incredibly gross and tremendously sad, chief among them being that this is the sort of thing that is mostly irreversible, your insurance sure as hell didn't cover this bullshit, and you look like a fucking moron. More than that, you make the rest of us look bad. You make Vulcans and elves look bad. This is on par with this action:



And also, this action:



So let's put this together in a handy flow chart for your decision making:





Thank you for your time.
thatneedslube: Also he always tops, and he always uses lube (merlin-arthur)
[personal profile] thatneedslube


That's right, Bradley took candy from a stranger and then ate it. And he didn't even know what the label said.

[personal profile] stopitsomemore: dumb as a box of hair. Seriously, that kid. He's lucky he's so attractive.

Because she would probably give him "candy" if she had half the chance.
stopitsomemore: (Default)
[personal profile] stopitsomemore
So you may have heard that Jason Momoa (whom I am sure most of you know as Ronon from SGA, because apparently outside of that, his sum total of reasons to be famous involve being Lisa Bonet's husband) is going to be in a film version of Conan the Barbarian. Aside from the fact that I burst into one of those hysterical laughing jags that is exclusively used to mask despair, I have been keeping track of this project -- mostly because apparently the other person who could have been cast in the role was Jared "Hi, I'm one half of the fandom where RPS has the higher moral ground!" Padalecki.

Anyway.

The point is. Now there's an official trailer.

I'm so sorry:


So in case you, unlike me, are too smart to click the play button on that because you think that probably it is so terrible it will drive you to histrionic madness (you're not wrong!) there are a few really marvelous things you need to know about this trailer:

• Having already not wanted to see this movie, this trailer has now elevated that sentiment to the astral plane, where it's cavorting with all the Snapewives who married him there.
• There is an amazing and even better, possibly unintentional sex thing in the actual fucking title card of this movie, where the sword hilts itself into the name, Conan, which makes my lizard brain think, "Wow, is this entire shitshow going to be about Conan being fucked? Even though he's a super badass barbarian?"
• But MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, there is this line of dialogue from Jason Momoa: "I live. I love. I slay. And I am content." Yes.
thatneedslube: You can't just use come or soap or go dry. Seriously. Lube it. (default)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
I make fun of badfic here a lot, FG fans, and don't worry, there's a delicious post coming up soon, but there are other things that make me de-friend journals, skip over fic, and generally run in the opposite direction to get away from someone on Livejournal or Dreamwidth. You know what I'm talking about. Those people who don't seem to understand the basics of interacting online, or that they extend to formatting.

Like people who don't use cut tags, or bother to learn how. )

With internet etiquette my rule of thumb is if someone else posted this, would I want to read it? If the answer is no, then I erase everything.

Don't be a dick: make it easy on people to read and find your stuff.

PS: Please use lube in your story. Please. No lube = deal breaker.

Tell us your Livejournal/Dreamwidth pet peeves! There are so many, and I know we've missed load of them.
whyareyoulikethis: by <user name="casett"> (monty python)
[personal profile] whyareyoulikethis
As you may already know, we here at FG have long been somewhat dubious of the new American relaunch of Torchwood.

Well hold onto to your tinhats, because shit just got real. As Ausiello reports, we've got preliminary casting information, and it features you'll never guess who:

Rex Matheson is a sharp-as-nails, funny-as-hell, tough-as-rawhide CIA agent who cares less about making a good impression than he does making a lasting one. Sounds juicy, right? So no wonder my sources tell me that both Dollhouse alum Enver Gjokaj and One Tree Hill grad Chad Michael Murray are eyeing the role.


Don't adjust your monitor, you read that correctly- there is a chance that Mayhem is coming Turchwad. We know. We know. We feel the same:


[personal profile] whyareyoulikethis: READ THIS: http://ausiellofiles.ew.com/2010/10/22/torchwood-chad-michael-murray-amber-stevens/

[personal profile] stopitsomemore: dslfkjdsfl JUST THAT URL
IS GIVING ME A SEIZURE
OH MY Fdlkjsdlkjadfs;ljkadf

[personal profile] whyareyoulikethis: IT'S JUST WHAT YOU THINK IT ISSSSSSSSS
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
I mean, that's not definite.
BUT STIIIIILL.

[personal profile] stopitsomemore: I like want to kill everybody
EVERYBODY

[personal profile] whyareyoulikethis: I KNOW.

[personal profile] stopitsomemore: Like it's the most unholy marriage of terrible things
Like fucking Mayhem
And Turchwad
You know what, but he would fit in.
Like b/c if Jack Harkness fucked you when you were like underage and then couldn't go to your prom
b/c he forgot
and had to go back to Wales to fuck someone else
he would probably bring you a car
maybe a car from the future

[personal profile] whyareyoulikethis: .....
*WEEPS*

[personal profile] stopitsomemore: OH MY GOD
IT'S SO TERRIBLE
IT'S LIKE EVERY TERRIBLE THING

[personal profile] whyareyoulikethis: TOGETHER ASDFGJHKLHLKJ

[personal profile] stopitsomemore: IT"S SO TERRIBLE
AND BEAUTIFUL
I CANNOT LOOK AWAY

[personal profile] whyareyoulikethis: I KNOW. IT'S LIKE SEEING A THREE-LEGGED DOG CHASE A TENNIS BALL OUT INTO TRAFFIC.
AND YOU CAN ONLY WATCH BUT DO NOTHING.

[personal profile] stopitsomemore: GOD IT IS
I HOPE IT'S TRUE
I WANT IT
NOW I WANT IT

[personal profile] whyareyoulikethis: ...ME TOO NOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH US.

[personal profile] stopitsomemore: you know who
Mayhem sort of reminds me of?
With his squint?
He's sort of like BB Dom Cobb
...I should be killed for introducing that thought into the universe.

[personal profile] whyareyoulikethis: ....yeah.
Somehow, that's almost the worst thing that's come out of this conversation.
thatneedslube: (bones-sistahs)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
I saw this chart today which depicts, according to the internet, the most popular shows on TV right now. Are they serious? Or are a lot of people out there just talking about terrible, terrible things? (Because we do that all the time at FG, but we don't expect anyone to take us seriously.)

What? How are you still watching Friends? )

It's a good thing the chart cut off there, or I could be here forever telling shows they suck hard and not in a fun way. This reminds me of why I hate tv and appointment viewing- you always wind up catching five minutes of something terrible.

Of course the other FG staff watch things I hate and I watch things they hate. We openly will tell you we have terrible and amazing taste. But the rest of the internet? They have to justify this stuff. Because I hate 99% of the shows on that list.
thatneedslube: (dw-loveme)
[personal profile] thatneedslube


The only reasonable explanation I can think of for David Hewlett having anything to do with Hellcats is putting money into Baz's college fund. And that's a super good reason to do something, but that doesn't mean anyone at FG is going to watch any episode of that show.

Wait, that's a lie. One of us might, but I think we can hold an intervention. I'll do my best to prevent that tragedy.

Oh my god, now we have a Hellcats tag. What have I done?!
thatneedslube: Also he always tops, and he always uses lube (merlin-arthur)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
We had some doubts about Starz's up-coming series that is supposed to be kind of a cross between Merlin (our favourite) and The Tudors (ehhhhhh). There was some potential there, but it's too late because they've already made a horrible, horrible mistake:


What have they done to JFiennes? He looked okay before. Now he looks creepy, old, and dumb.


Don't you know, Starz Network? We've seen Merlin as a hot young piece of ass. Our brains went there. I can show you the exact equation, and the results of it can never be unseen.


Colin Morgan giving his Meaningful Eyes of Feeling to camera; being attractive and young


Merlin = Hot Young Thing
Arthur = Hot Young Thing
Therefore Arthur = TOTALLY BANGING HIS COURT WIZARD

You know what else can never be unseen? Me trying to imagine Bradley James coming home and banging this. Not sexy. Not sexy at all, Starz.
thatneedslube: (dw-loveme)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
I don't know about you guys, but I grew up in the late 80s/early 90s and we all know that means one thing: I was absolutely obsessed with Disney's The Little Mermaid. You know the drill. Singing the songs constantly, practicing some of her fancy dance moves in the local public pool. Buying mermaid edition barbie dolls that changed colour in the bath. It was an exciting time, and then one day someone had the bright idea of getting me to read the Hans Christen Andersen original.


This looks beautiful, right? Visually stunning. Too bad it sounds like a big piece of shit wrapped in death and dying.


And I hated it. News about the new Little Mermaid live action movie under the cut )
thatneedslube: (dw-loveme)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
Remember how horrified we were to discover that for some reason they were making another season of Eureka? Even though Nathan wouldn't be in it? Sadly, the first episode of the new season has aired, and even sadder, I was elected to recap this thing. So here we go, spoilers ahoy, readers. I can't promise this will hurt you more than it hurt me.

Fargo/SARAH is... THE TERMINATOR. Also this recap is NC17 and NSFW. )

There you have it, people. 19 steps to writing a terrible episode of Eureka, as if most episodes weren't already terrible.
thatneedslube: Also he always tops, and he always uses lube (merlin-arthur)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
In case you missed it, Nathan Fillion has adopted and is promoting a new catch phrase:



Ignore his clearly incorrect example sentence though, because Fangasmic is happy to offer you a selection of appropriate usages below.

  1. "Jesus christ, I'm so fucking sore!" "Why?" "Man, I got double rainbowed last night".

  2. Merlin's favourite sex act was the double rainbow, but he always made sure he had the next two days free before using it because of the serious medical side effects.

  3. All Brad wanted was for someone to bend him over and give him a good double rainbow.


Go forth, rainbow fans. You know you want to. Arthur certainly does.
thatneedslube: also fug hat (zq-jizz)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
Everybody does it. Everybody has a shameful day of feeling ugly once in awhile and goes home and listens to diva songs about how awesome/right/beautiful they are.

Even Lt. Worf.

'I am Beautiful' by Joshua & Nathan Flynn from Joshua Flynn on Vimeo.



TL; DR: LT. WORF SOMETIMES WEARS WOMEN'S CLOTHES AFTER A BAD DAY ON THE ENTERPRISE.
whyareyoulikethis: by <user name="casett"> (monty python)
[personal profile] whyareyoulikethis
This just in! Remember how Fox passed on Torchwood: USA and we all breathed a sigh of relief? Well suck that breath back in, everyone.

EW.com reports that Starz has picked up the rights to the Yankified version of the adventures of Captain Jack and Co. (Yes, Starz, that channel responsible for Spartacus: Tits and Ass and that porny King Arthur show we talked about yesterday. At least we know that our dear Captain Jack will be in good company.)

According to Ausiello, John Barrowman, Eve Myles and Russell T. Davies will all be brought over for the American version, set to air in the summer of 2011 on Starz and BBC One in the UK.

And get this:

The new episodes will take on more of an “international scope,” says Starz, adding, “The new series will allow Davies and his writing team to tell a more explosive and global story, one that takes advantage of the unlimited narrative opportunities of a premium television service like Starz.”


Translation: they're giving RTD more money. And possibly creative freedom. This cannot end well. And yet, like a moth to the flame of bad choices, I already know I'll be tuning in. Damn you, RTD.
thatneedslube: What's not to love? (psych-hellsyeah)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
Things I love:

1.) Kittens
2.) The Internets

Things that are usually amazing together:

1.) Kittens
2.) The Internets

But something is wrong, Fangasmic fans. Something terrible has just happened on the internet. Something is marring a beautiful Venn diagram I made awhile back. You can see the blight upon it's face:



CAN YOU SEE IT?? Cats were not meant to tweet! If they do, cat currency (the money of the internet) will lose all value! The market will crash! I will start following (more) cats on twitter!

This is a problem if I want to be able to sometimes pass for a norm, guys. We need to fight this shit.
thatneedslube: (himym-fangirls)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
While most of Toronto was busy screaming at the TTC, someone at ideaCity was busy playing a lot of Fl0wer on their Playstation 3 while probably high, and came up with this idea:

Turn this:



into this:



Hey, I've imagined rolling a Katamari through a store and rolling up everything inside, but I never tried to build one to take over the world. Just sayin'.
thatneedslube: (dw-loveme)
[personal profile] thatneedslube
This morning [personal profile] stopitsomemore sent me this link. Trapped in what I am told is a muddled state before significant amounts of coffee have been ingested, she believed that any plans for an American version of Torchwood had been completely derailed.



Fangasmic being your source for all things classy, [personal profile] damngirl of course chimed in: Turchwad iz ded of Turchwad. :(

I think I might be the only member of the Fangasmic staff who hasn't finished watching Children of the Earth yet, but you can tell we take this action seriously because we refer to it as "Turchwad" while simultaneously rubbing ourselves inappropriately.

The good news is, Fox has basically turned down the chance. The bad news is, several other American networks are still interested.

Rose, this is why you shouldn't make people live forever but still age. Terrible things happen to them as time moves forward.

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